Off my chest

In the words of a great musical poet, Adam Duritz

It's 4:30 am on a Tuesday
It doesn't get much worse than this

But, here, it's only 2:54 and I guess things could be worse.

I 've just walked home from Her house for the last time. Which also, doesn't really mean anything, since we've said goodbye so many times now, I don't keep count. But this time we didn't say goodbye. We said goodbye last tuesday night, and this was just my personal deal with the devil, to give me one last dream before I let go. Things have just gotten so tangled up that there are now ends to grip, no room to pull. She's the kind of Girl you never forget, never leave behind. I love her and she'll be in my life for a long time, but I need to move on, or I'll get really stuck.

You're trying hard to figure out
Just exactly how you feel
Before you end up parked and sobbing
Forehead on the steering wheel

I am very sick of things always being this difficult. I meet these amazing girls, but then there's always something that makes it not work... Well, I'm not gonna lay down and die. Not stay home and sulk. What I am looking for is to feel good. And I guess there's plenty of opportunity for me to move on. Time to see how those smoking bridges hold..

And that being said, I'll leave you with a EBTG song...

I don't wanna feel this way...
I don't wanna feel this way...

I don't wanna feel this way,
Won't somebody take away this feeling.

I'm looking at an open sky,
It's like my roof has got no ceiling.

It's wrong to feel this way,
I know it's wrong, I know it's bad
To only see what isn't there,
To want and want and never have.
But you know there's more to me now, don't you?
You'll always cover for me, won't you?
Won't you?

And this used to look half-full,
Now some days it looks half-empty.
And some days it feels like nothing,
It always used to feel like plenty..

No solids on sundays

Hrmpf.. yepp another hung over sunday. Nothing extreme, and not even in balance with the amount of fun I had yesterday. In other words, I had a great time and was only moderately destroyed today.
Was at a collegues christmas party. At first there was the usual tension of being around all new people, but after a while I started to get warm in my clothes, and as soon as I made the genius decision to seize a seat on the couch everything went swimmingly. Talked to a bunch of strangers and felt generally very good. the girl who was sitting next to me on the couch was in fashion and advertising and a good laugh. I like people with a profound sense for irony and an understanding for the game that makes convesation an exploration. Make sense?

And then, by the time I started to make my way home, the snow had piled itself to a 10cm high, cold obstacle not intended for my sweet blue adidas. It was beautiful, sounds muffled, and only people passing real close could've heard me mumbling nonsensical spanish, practising a mexican accent. I was well plastered. But that being said, I was far from the one who had looked deepest into the bottle that night. Some were throwing up in the bedroom. Some were having trouble focusing, keeping eye contact. It's sad, now that I see it in words, but there was a very good vibe accompanied with the amount of alcohol consumed. People were happy, talkative. Friendly. Huggy.

And so, today I've played computer games, watched movies, south park and had coffee, tea, toast, vörtlimpa and the usual stuff. Very little contact with the World. A feelgood kind of day.

But there was also a hole in this day. A sunday tradition that never got honoured. Had I not been so tired, perhaps I'd have had a look into those very favourite eyes, but instead there was only a voice on the phone.

ok, I'll leave you with that for now. chow.

Quizx

I took a quick test.. results seem more or less accurate but then again the questions were rather transparent...
Now, to work.. on a sattyday.. but "work hard, play hard, that's my motto"

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	High
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Yokata

So, where was I?

You think you're just gonna turn a leaf and things will change, and stay changed. But f*ck, nothing ever really changes. Except the weather. Which can make or break your day.

So I guess, there's no need to bother. Don't knock yourself bloody trying to solve problems, cuz there'll always be problems.

Actually, forget it. I have no new insights. I am just really confused at the moment. A night ago I felt like dying. Like I was dying, or maybe wanted to be dying. I haven't felt so out of breath for as long as I can remeber. And still it was one of the best nights can recall. It was a long dark corridor of reality, and I could never have gotten through it alone. Without someone else, what's the point of any experience. If a tree falls in the woods, and only one person is there to hear it, what's the point of it making a sound? It will still be lost in time, like tears in rain.

-
http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats/2005/12/13

--

And she whispers that everything not only will be, but is, ok

i didn't really notice
when everything else disappeared
but as far as i'm concerned
if it isn't her
it isn't here

I left my heart in my other pants

Got up today, as I do most days, and didn't really have any idea what was going to change. I guess that's true for most days, but anyway. I worked, hard mind you, all day and didn't get off until later than expected. Late for a party I was going to, so I took a light dinner (a bowl of "fil" (a swedish, youghurt-like soured milk product - delicious and nutricious but hardly a meal)) while roaming the apartment in a haunted way. I knew I was going to meet someone at the party, and I wasn't really sure what that would feel like or what I would say. Half scared that I would be hit by a jolt of something at the sight of E, and half scared of what I was going to say to her.
Not without a sting of disappointment, nothing stirred. I liked to see her again, but even there, with her in front of me, there was no doubt in my mind. I have fallen for the other One, aka Ms. Big, aka H. I like her so much it scares me. Thinking about is scares me because it makes me see just how hurt I could get.
So I was weird, I guess. I was distant and stand-offish. And then, after I while I summoned enough cojones to tell her straight up what was going on. I told her how I liked her, but that my heart was occupied (read: the Gasa strip) by another and that even if I would go with her, there would just so clearly be trouble because of this. And I told her how I was selfish friday night when I had briefly summarised my situation as "complicated" and didn't want to talk about it for it would've ruined the moment. No poo it would have, telling her there was a ms. Big in the closet.
And the simple truth is that even if, which wasn't the case, she had been comparably compelling and sweet, H has a 6 month or so head start. Better the angel you know.

So now it just remains to see what happends. Will H bring it? Ok, I don't know what that means really, I'm way too tired for coherence. Wathcing south park.

Oh, actually the point I was aiming for in the beginning of this post was that I am so in awe of both the girls involved. I am so glad that the honesty that I think I've .. used, shown?. has been met by great understanding. It's very reassuring that honest communication actually is appreciated. (on that note, remind me to stop listening to the advice of my roomate, saying things like "don't close any doors" and "don't tell her about this and that"). I will continue to be honest and avoid playing games on people, even if that costs me a few relationships.

Ok, I am rambling, not making snsse..

---
gotta ssleeep ssssleep. zzzzz z.z zz

Som man bäddar

Nej, jag ville aldrig att det skulle bli så här. Jag ville att allt skulle vara enkelt, soligt och varmt. Och utan tvekan. Men tvekan var där hela tiden. För alla gånger jag sagt att hon är den bästa jag träffat har jag fått höra att det aldrig kommer att gå. Från henne har jag fått höra att det nog var bäst att gå vidare. (vill bara passa på att tacka mina två kompisar som faktiskt stöttat mig 100% i min romantiska idé att jag skulle få vara med henne, tack L och T). Tills jag en dag till slut lyssnar, stänger dörrarna till den del av mig som bara vill ligga hemma och krama gamla brev, minnas gamla sms, drömma om gamla drömmar. Och går vidare. Ett litet steg, och broarna bakom mig börjar lukta bensin. En svavellukt av tändstickor och jag vet verkligen inte om det är jag eller någon annan som hotar att förstöra allt.
Hur många gånger kan man börja gråta av att koka gröt? Varför är det helt plötsligt olidligt att hacka äppelbitar i filen?
Det här är så orättvist. Så förutsett ("så fort hon hör att du hånglat med nån annan kommer hon att vilja ha dig tillbaka"). Så osäkert.
Men nu står jag här, och om inte du tar den smärta som krävs för att släcka tändstickan mellan dina fingertoppar, kommer jag snart att tappa den. För jag vågar inte röra mig. Jag vågar bara röra dig.

Så jag skjuter ett brev under din dörr. Skriver ett annat till hela världen. Och försöker stänga dörrrarna som egentligen bara du kan öppna.

Money where my mouth is

If you're feeling in control, you're not dating enough people.

I went out last night, and I guess I was kind of hoping to see this girl from a party a few weeks ago. She had said she would be there this night, and so I carried that little hope in the lining of my coat. Happily I observed the following
1. She was there
2. She still seemed nice
3. She was seated across from me during dinner
4. She was .. flirting, wasn't she?
5. Wait.. is she flirting with me, the guy to her right, or the girl to her left?..
6. The girl next to me is a psychotic, moody, €%&"!
7. She really is showing interest
8. She comes and sits right next to me
9. We talk all night, people point and smile
10. Friend call us over, luring the both of us into a cleverly set trap made from mistle toe
11. We comply, after all it is tradition
12. We comply some more, in a very untraditional like way
13. We keep talking all night
14. Everyone goes to the afterpary
15. We talk in a corner
16. Everybody start to leave and we are the last to realise the party is over and we are being gently kicked out by the hostess

So, that's all good and fine. Great even. Yet again, it seems my fantasies solidify before my eyes. Dangerously though, as the isolatedness of a fantasy is a prerequisite for its exquisiteness. Now, suddenly real, the consequences are coming crashing down around this fantasy and life is complicated further. Outside it's 10 below and no one can survive for long.
But I realise, my complaints are bullshit in a way. My diamond shoes are too tight, my wallet's too big for my $50's... and so on.
I am glad I met this girl, that I had this night to feel good, really good. What I've done to deserve all this I cannot say, but then again, somewhere down the road, the gifts often seem to turn to puzzles, problems, pitfalls.
--

onthedumpsterinthealleybymyhouse

'as you might be noticing: new look to the page! yes, it was finally time to freshen up, I guess. the content however will remain the same moldy comments and bitter observations, because let's face it.. improving the exterior is the only way to go these days, idnit? And at the same time I am reverting to an old pseudonym, a homage to the Babe

Current musical enjoyment
- Diane Cluck: Oh Vanille (thank you Wooliton!)
- Rufus Wainwright: Rufus Wainwright
- Nick Cave: the boatman's call
-Ani difranco: Evolve (listening to Serpentine right now:

"and that knife you stuck in my back is still there
it pinches a little when i sigh and moan
and these days i'm thinkin i could just as soon use
the time alone
---
and behold
those that try to expose the reality
who really try to realize democracy
are shot with rubber bullets and gassed off the streets
while the global power brokers are kept clean and discrete
behind a wall
behind a moat
and that is all
that's all she wrote
---
and i always got the feeling
you just liked to hear it fall

off your tongue

but i remember my name

in your mouth
and i don't think i was done
hearing it close to my ear
on a whisper's way to a moan "

-
This season is keeping me ridiculously tired. My eyes are red as if I was smoking dope all nacht but I really am not. And my nose seems to have gotten stuck in a moment it can't get out of, seeing as I have been snotty for about a year now. And I sneeze a lot. Oh.. oh.. yeah.. you didn't really want to..? No, I guess it wasnt all that interesting, but there you go, that's how tired I am.
-
Thinking about the broken heart situation is really like that metaphorical wound, that you can't keep from scratching and, because of that, wont heal. I feel that, if I could just be completetly absorbed by something for a while now, I would feel better later. Put some distance between me and now.

"you said you needed time
well
you had time"

"I am a party
and she is a school night"

På svenska

sorry if you're not suecophonic... this was a comment by me to Soulfighters blog

---
one: du skriver fortfarande så bra så man blir lite svag

two: visst är det så. man ser, en bit fram på stigen, hur man kommer att traska in i en betongvägg. det är inte ens särskilt övertygande målat, färgen flagnar, och himlen har inte rätt blåfärg. men stannar man? nej. saktar man ens ner på sin naiva promenad? nej, man ler bara och letar frånvarande efter plåster i fickan. för vem vet? kanske är det inte målat på betong.. kanske är det målat på japanskt papper, och man kommer att ramla rakt in i ett en kärlek man inte ens visste fanns.

tre: det svåra med att släppa taget. man kan bli hur lycklig som helst, i en föreställd framtid, med någon man (tydligen) egentligen inte känner så väl som man tror. och det är den drömmen som är så bitterljuv att gå och lägga sig med. som smakar så gott på kvällen. men som gör det så svårt att resa sig ur värmen på morgonen. att öppna ögonen i mörkret.

Drunk on boredom

I wish I was staying up late. For partying. But it's been a really busy week. All work and no play makes me a hungry boy. I had to prepare for some meeting regarding the context of my work, and then there was the Application and The Plan to fill in, i.e. make up some nice story about what I am supposed to do here and how great it will be for the world and all mankind. Kind of random, but good to be getting the proverbial kick in the behind, getting started a little more concretely.
Tonight (now) in the lab for some process work. Going back and forth between this hunk of junk and "The Laser", which incidently is the laser - I just like to make the Dr.Evil joke every time.

Then it's back to my place for some economics. Balancing the account for the Photo Association. And some general meddling and communication on it's behalf.

Then, if I have time, I will maybe get some gaming done - Baldurs Gate - it's captivating I tell you. Otherwise I may just go to bed and watch some Eddie Izzard, a fabulous (hidden meanings are boss) comedian. British. I still say the Brits rule the greatest humour empire of the world. "Oh really? Have they?" and so on..

More later peehaps

That girl again, and this time she likes snow

Baby i've only got a minute

Baby i have to go

A minute is all my life

Will ever allow

Let's grow old

And die together

Let's do it now

Lessons about my self

1) I dream romantically. I calculate cynically.
2) I will fight nail and teeth to stay Hopeful in the face of Promise
3) My need to understand people's thinking is exceeded only by my painstaking dissection of their speaking

And then

I didn't stop

...

"All these moments
will be lost
in time
like tears
in rain"

the bed bugs

I stayed up too late again..

Reason is a killer - Attraction is truth

Oh, hi.

I feel strange.

.I feel strange.

..I feel strange.

...I feel strange strange strange.


Can't really.. formulate.. articulate.. There is this lovely, unbelievable thing that just seems to not want to happend. The problem with too good, too close, too beautiful is, of course that too only pushes the good the close the beautiful ...further .....and ............further .........................away

but I just want it closecloseCLOSE. I want to feel it HERE, that hair HERE, those lips CLOSE, close my eyes over HER, hear her HERE, her smell HERE.

Why isn't "I want to be with you" enough. Why isn't "With you I feel good, safe, warm, and blessed" the only thing you need. These rules we set up, the IF, THEN, ELSE of love, do they really exist.. I feel like no. It's not a logic progression, just the scent of your obsession will tell you. It's feromones, serotonin, adrenaline.

But now

.As I said

..It just feels strange

...And I feel so alone

....Thegoodtheclosethebeautiful is so far

.....Too far

Another swedish Tiger

You brought this all on yourself
Don't try to pin this one on me
Tonight I give up at last
I am now a memory of your past

Women are evil

so here i am
listening to a conversation between one of my flatmates and her friend. losing whatever trust and illusion i had about women. please someone tell me otherwise. comments like "oh come on, it's 2005. show me the woman who isn't sleeping around." it's scary how close reality seems to come to south park's "stupid spoiled whore" episode. and it SOO bothers me the lack of shame, the lack of decency with which they (seem to) have an "extra" guy even when they have a boyfriend. the fuck is going on?
i think, i don't know, but maybe there is some sort of feeling that there is a universal injustice of men having slept around for centuries, and now my friends are trying to catch up. i am seriously starting to doubt the continued image of women as having been virtuos and men spreading their "wild oats". if there is common genetic material, women might have been just as bad but 10 times as sneaky.
...oh.. I don't know.. I just would like to maintain my vision (illusion?) that most PEOPLE try and want to be faithful. maybe even fall in love somtimes and trust each other. most people I know and like anyway.

tired

As a general rule, don't try to solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

Frozen winter shit

Define feeling complete: I have Baldurs Gate II and Heroes of might and magic III. If you know nothing of these thing, imaginge the safe feeling of a soft safety net that never will let you fall into complete boredom.

yesterday was a good night
I went with I to the Tiger Lou concert at Katalin. Tiger has gotten a little heavier and darker and harder, but still oh so f*cking good. I bought the new CD also.. spinning heavily around my players.

"this is how it feels to be special
I wanted to kill you the next day"

No longer empty and frantic

A pig in a cage
on antibiotics

On a wing and a pear

"Please ask me where I am going to"

"All combat takes place in rain and fog, in the middle of the night, at a folded corner of the map"

Where I lay my hat

Pictures of the new apartement at http://oskarino.fotogalleriet.se, if you are a PO-voyeurist...

Up with the sun

So, I've realized that both with and without reason the contents of this blog has slid toward the fragmentary and vacuous. And I guess that makes for a less interesting blog. So, soon I will write down a concise, chewey and chunky update about what is actually factually going on. Be patient, I predict it will take a week or so before it actually happends.

In the meanwhile, here's me, Jacob and Linda from this friday, Kalmar nation.

I feel like a freshly flushed bowl

The best song name right now: "Leila came over and we watched a video"

Dewey, Cheatem and Howe

"never get up in the morning on a saturday"

I am in material love, cuz I'm a material boy

-
sigh. i am liking life in this new place. another hungover morning, but it's nice. nice people and somehow more freedom.

Everything bit the girl

I'll put my suitcase here for now
I'll turn the TV to the bed
But if no one calls and I don't speak all day
Do I disappear?
And look at me without you
I'm quite proud of myself
I feel reckless, clumsy
Like I'm making a mistake
A really big mistake

-
Listening mostly to
Everything but the girl
Tears for fears
gloria

Maybe I should eat...

A strange sense of loosing one's way while standing still.
-
I am now, currently, presently, residing in my new abode, the New Place, an apartment neighbouring a sushi place and a pizza place. In honor of which I made home made pizza last night. We had a great birthday/house warming party in only few numbers (6 to be exact) with red wine, good food, and an ok barnight at Escobar (1st visit for me, a second one may not be very imminent).
Today, properly tired and hazy. I sent my parents back to Northern Territories with my TV (liberation!!) and a smile. then I've spent most of the day watching God's Army, South Park, and reading a book called 'mess' - not the english word mess, but rather the swedish slang for SMS - with varied success. God's army is a great old religious sci-fi film with surprising actors such as Christopher Walken, Viggo Mortensen, Amanda Plummer and Eric Stoltz. Good for sunday mornings.
--

Ideas as Opiates
say what you want
say what you will
'cos i find you think what makes it easier

and lies spread on lies
we don't care
belief is our relief
we don't care

P.S

and I think Tom will join us too:

It's more than rain that falls on our parade tonight
It's more than thunder it's more than thunder
And it's more than a bad dream now that I'm sober
Nothing but sad times, nothing but sad times

At least it couldn't get much worse

Now I am going home to be with the humans. Or not. I guess I'll just listen to Radiohead and Nick Cave tonight. It seems right. Be the judge...

Radio:

the emptiest of feelings,
disappointed people, clinging on to bottles,
and when it comes it's so, so, disappointing.

Let down and hanging around,
crushed like a bug in the ground.
Let down and hanging around.

Shell smashed, juices flowing
wings twitch, legs are going,
don't get sentimental, it always ends up drivel.
One day, I'm gonna grow wings,
a chemical reaction,
hysterical and useless

Nicky:

l hold d this letter in my hand
A plea of petition, a kind of prayer
I hope it does as I have planned
Losing her again is more than I can bear

I kiss the cold white envelope
Press my lips against her name
Two hundred words, we live in hope
The sky hangs heavy with rain

Love letter, love letter
Go get her, go get her
Love letter, love letter
Go tell her, go tell her

Breaking up is hard to do

A broken mirror
Seven years of bad luck
Or just a more fascinating mosaïc

Jagged shards
In the hard ceramic
Can I see pieces of myself

Pick up the phone!
Someone detonate a bomb
I need to stop this ringing in my head

No, listen
The crescendo of breaking glass
Becomes a steady rain, a grey fabric of sound

This is the way
We will always be broken
Pieces trying to remember a whole

And there never was
More than just
A memory
---

She came (through in the end)

I wish that I could spend all my time making up song titles.
--
Call me (your bitch)

Standard Issues

Not thinking about her can last up to 5 minutes. Thinking about her can last a lot longer. A wiser fella than myself once told me, "If you feel in control you're not going fast enough". Yet, speed has absolutely nothing to do with the way I am feeling. Never could I imagine walking so slowly into the jaws of the Wolf. And I am, by lengths, out of control, out of my depths.

"Demandez-vous belle Jeunesse
Le temps de l'ombre d'un souvenir
Le temps de souffle d'un soupire"

But, I am still going. Shoot me, will you, if yours is a desire to keep me from suffering. But if, if you love me, and want my souls freedom to travel rather than keep it under some Patriot Act restrictions, just walk by me and lay pillow out where I may land,
when
I
fall
.

A veces soy yo que tiene el poder
A veces soy yo que tiene que seguir, que adaptar, que soñar de lo que no tengo
A veces el viento porta tu cometa hasta el techo de los cielos
A veces, te lo roba, y te lo porta hasta los fuegos matadores del sol

Pero... una vida sin volar, sin elevarse?
No es posible
No es pensible
Sea horrible

---

There's a tough word on your crossword
There's a bed bug nipping a finger
There's a swallow, there's a calm
Here's a hand to lay on your open palm
today

a lot of great music. just to mention what I am listening to these days; still violently into and impressed by In your Honor by Foo Fighters - a truly great rock album. The decemberists are amazingly queer (not gay(not happy and glad)) and with good songs, listening to album picaresque. Then there's always - seems like a 2005 thing - some Tom Waits coming back to haunt me. Right now mostly Closing Time, and Heart of Saturday Night. Lately there's also been the Streets (revisited), Bloc Party, Company Flow and probably some old bullsh*t.
---
Far be it from me to complain about a lack of friends. I feel i have so many that (mutual?) neglect is almost necessary from time to time, and never really an issue of blame. But right now I am feeling that there is just an empty window for me to lean against, a chilly glass pane with little or no sympathy for my quandaries. So many friends, but at that exact moment when i turn my head, all are far away, beyond crying distance, or wrapped in their own personal ball of yarn. there is, for me, an a great advantage with having your friends close enough to be involved in your life, without questions or confessionals, just that day-to-day contact that makes understanding implicit, second nature, and topic is always second to tone.
In short: I wish you were here/I wish you weren't so busy, cuz I could use some breathing closer to me.

But, oh, what providence
What divine intelligence
That you should survive
As well as me
It gives my eye great joy
To see your eyes fill with fear
To lean in close
And I will whisper
The last words you'll hear

Let's go. Down the waterfall.

so, the coolest thing happend to me the other day. I was biking home from the land of confusion and I passed the bus stop where we will move in a few weeks. glancing at the seat through the pane glass window I notice something lying on it, and I think it just looked too deliberate to be trash. so i stopped, turned around and checked it out. wrapped in a plastic bag was a book. i peered down at the book, glanced around to see if anyone was observing me (no, no one around, no one in windows), and decided that i should take it. it was a Terry Pratchett book, and I've always been curious of his work. on my remaining way home i formulated a plan of how i would post a note at the bus stop saying that if someone had lost a book they should contact me to get it back. feeling like an honest cleptomaniac i smiled around the corner and parked my rusty POS in front of the door.
but when i took a closer look at the book, inside the front cover there was a sticker. it was a BOOKCROSSING book! so cool, the game is that you buy a book, register it at www.bookcrossing.com, and then you release it into the wild, letting the book travel from hand to hand wherever it may want to go. and you can follow it on the net. so fabulous.
so now i am reading "equal rites" by terry pratchett, and then I will release it into the wild. maybe in paris, maybe in umeå. we'll see.

Counselor Bob

"I got a helicopter pad on the roof, and snipers in the other building to make sure no one steals my helicopter."

A tick of the clock

And then she died from a stroke of genious...

Two people sitting across a room is one thing, one doesn't want to leave, one can't make the other stay
Two people sitting next to each other on a bed, is all it takes, to stop thinking, stop talking. If one wasn't so beautiful the other could step away. But doesn't. Time can stretch when you stretch out on a bed, a rise and fall of lips like the ocean. Waves don't stop, they just have peaks and valleys, calm valleys and peaks that crash over you and make you tumble, make you cold, make you wet.

One wants to stop before everything crashes.
One wants to build a home lifting stones from each others chests.

30 silver coins

At the age of 25 I realised I was invincible

"It's always like this", he tells himself. "First the Fear and then a rush of Courage and the clean sweet feeling of Being Born."

Abandon all hope, tonight I will come to you as the Betrayer. I will sit at your side, my shoulder will be your crutch when you are ill, when you are tired I shall carry you, and when you most need me I will kill you with a kiss. For allthough you are the Savior, I want cash for a new digital camera.

You can't hug your children with nuclear arms

I heart Banksy. I heart Stanley Donwood.

That show I went to that was amazing held the following artists. Eine, 3D, Mode2, Jamie Hewlett, Dolk Lundgren, Insect och D'Face och Sickboy. They can be found on the internet. I recommend you check out www.banksy.co.uk.

The who's who of Scotland

These are the guys that shared my Scottish Experience. Don't they look cute?

Im a fool, who's tool is small

Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
bull-shit three-ring circus side-show of freaks

For I am Donnie Darko

If the sky were to suddenly open up there would be no law. There would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories… the choices you’ve made, and the people you’ve touched. If this world were to end there would only be you and him and no-one else.

Mmmmm.. i had a good night last night...
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Stopping by, as if by chance.
I can't get my fingers through her hair.
I can't take my eyes off her face.
I can't imagine this.
So it must be true.
"You're a good kisser and I'm a fast learner".
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What to do tonight? Maybe at home maybe at pub for beers. I feel like beer.

The gravity of light

Regarding the kill the badger post, it's just one of those lines that have gotten stuck with me. It's not that I feel that this story in any way motivates or even relates that much to vegetarianism, but that punchline

The badger just wanted to romp and play, and he gets shot with a .45 government issue. Contact that. Identify with that. Feel that. And ask yourself. Whose life is worth more? The badger, or this evil piece of white shit?

is just incredible... I'll not comment any further, cause I can't really articulate my thoughts.

Blammo!

I keep considering and reconsidering whether to try producing "valuable" content while blogging or to just blablabla whatever I feel like. What do you think?
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So, I had a great weekend. Did some excellent second hand shopping, purchasing a) a Hat, which reminds me partly of the hat the Edge wore in the early U2 years and partly reminds me of the amish, b) a Rug ("he told me to take any rug in the house") which is dark blueish, oriental and so soft it will be great for lying on my back and listening to bowling championships, and c) a pair of snug-fitting, great looking, tan pants, with a slight 70s look.
I also had a very holidayesque lunch on satiday, with a pint of guinness at the local Irish pub. I also bought a poker-set, so now anyone who comes around is welcome to join me for a game of Texas Hold'em.
Agreat deal of the weekend hours were spent in the dark room, developing some films and making photos. Some good, none great. It's great fun making photos, but the process is just way to slow for me. Way to much time spent on each photo, to arrive at a final result that is everything but sure. With enough £$€ I'll be going digital. Hopefully that will happend sooner rather than later, a shot of adrenaline into my slack photographic spirit.
Then sunday, drinving north to see some antique/second hand shops and just get some miles into me. And of course the Salsa course in the afternoon with the dancing. The grace of refrigerators and the emotion of mechanical puppies.
I'll try to scan the photos sometime soon.
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Oh, and yes, I also had some impulse buying of CDs: the new Nick Cave album (not impressed so far), Anna Ternheim (because she effing deserves my money), two Tom Waits albums (one of which was some sort of bootleg radio recording), and my first ever Hank Williams (so far it seems good. Very country and reminds me of Johnny Cash).
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Keep coming back for more.
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Tonight I was invited to a theatre evening, but then it got cancelled bcause of illness. Sad. I wouldve loved some culture. So instead I'm here working on some exercises for a class tomorrow.
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The girl is always busy. :-(
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Now , I might just take my acid stomach home and relax!!

Another bedtime story for the wicked

Kill The Badger - By Willam S Burroughs

At Los Alamos Ranch School, where they later made the atom bomb and couldn’t wait to drop it on the Yellow Peril, the boys are sitting on logs and rocks, eating some sort of food. There is a stream at the end of a slope. The counsellor was a Southerner with a politician’s look about him. He told us stories by the campfire, culled from the racist garbage of the insidious Sax Rohmer - East is evil, West is good.

Suddenly a badger erupts among the boys - don’t know why he did it, just playful, friendly and inexperienced like the Aztec Indians who brought fruit down to the Spanish and got their hands cut off. So the counsellor rushes for his saddlebag and gets out his 1911 Colt .45 auto and starts blasting at the badger, missing it with every shot at six feet. Finally he puts his gun three inches from the badger’s side and shoots. This time the badger rolls down the slope unto the stream. I can see the stricken animal, the sad shrinking face, rolling down the slope, bleeding, dying.

-"You see an animal you kill it don’t you? It might have bitten one of the boys."

The badger just wanted to romp and play, and he gets shot with a .45 government issue. Contact that. Identify with that. Feel that. And ask yourself. Whose life is worth more? The badger, or this evil piece of white shit?

As Brian Gysin once said: Man is a bad animal

Catch me if you can

Friday night, I'll be excited to be going to a new party with new people. The onward to Pang! for some live indie pop with Vapnet and some other dudes.

Saturday, I'll probably go to Sala for a while, say hello to my friend and have a glass owine. Then saturday night, a collegue is having a going a way party since he's moving to germany. Lederhosen and emptying out his liqueur cabinet seems to be the main themes.

Well, now I'm off to yet another MEETING. Gosh things are getting mighty official. I'll try to sneak downa sandwich before I go there cus right now Im hungry as a moddafoccacia.

One nation, under canada, above mexico

Opened my first bottle of scotch a few days ago. 10yr old Glengoyne. Smooth and nice, from my new whisky glass.
The least exciting one. A starter in a way. Will in all likelyhood open another one this weekend. PRobably the Ben Riach, peated malt. Much more complex and interesting whisky.

(in case you're wondering, no, I've got nothin interesting to share)

Your face or your knee caps

Modestly fabulous night last night. I'd been pissy for a few days, sick of stuff, you know, but anyway... So I didn't really feel up to anything, but I had a salsa class and a party with the photo club, both more or less obligations of a social nature. Sigh again. But I went, and as the salsa class progressed I started feeling better and better and by the time I was at the party I was actually looking forward to going out. So we went to the GH student club and partied. My club chairman paid my entry fee and a beer.
Nice night anyway, talking to friends and dancing like an epileptic to barry white and tom jones songs in finnish versions. Good dj.

Store-bought boots

Hello kitty

I am such non-confrontational person. There is wvery little I dislike more than fighting, arguing. Had just a small one yesterday, and I'm still sour. Kinda sweet also though, so some will like the flavour.

New apartment from the 1st of november. wee.

I have a presentation tomorrow, which I am not looking forward to. It may suck ass. I may suck ass.

My hands are shaking. Maybe I lack blood sugar. Maybe I lack blood. Maybe I just need some honey.

So many plans and so many things planned right now, I just don't see how I am gonna get anything done.

The Rossotron

I have to smile at my embarrasing post from sat night. It reminds me very much of Ross Gellers message to himself on the answering machine after his "near death" experience with the backfiring car. Ring any bells?

Anyway, it is nicer to become a Teletubby love-muffin when you're on the sauce than to become aggressive and/or depressing. hehe.

You're the first one out of the car
You're the loudest one in the bar

The Bendovers

Hey guys. Guess what... Yes I'm drunk. At a friends house. Partying. If you can love one thing. Love yourself. Anything outside of that, love your next. Please, really love your close ones. Love them, because they deserve it.
--
this theme wasn't a dream
I'm dead ass no lean
it started with this chick
that moved in 13

Let me just check my filofax

this week my calender gives the quotation "What is enough for two, can be enough for three". I am agreeing and nodding solemnly. 2nite I don't know whats up, so I might go to the darkroom for some film development. Or I might not.
Tomorrow is the day of the great party. I have to write a report by monday. I have to save someone. Maybe it's hard or maybe I am really that big now, that voluminous, that I can absorb someone elses weakness and still transfer strenght back. I hope I am. I ow the universe some saving, as many times as I have been saved.

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Regardign the party, I AM looking forward to the coursing of alcohol through my veins. It's been a while, and yall know how I like it. Maybe I'll break open a whisky bottle. Maybe just gin and martini. Mabe somehtin exotic. Maybe something safe.
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most likely Iwill be moving to a new apartment, about 500m away. Bigger better and with BROAD bands so I'll be able to surf from home. This will in all likelyhood change my blogging status. Stay tuned for your own perceptions of it.
Also, my rent will go down, but I imagine this profit margin will be consumed by the fact that we will be living 50m from a pizzeria. Oh, how sad.
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No one 16 it like Ani 16 it

.. that's for all you francophiles out there

Now I am just Mr.Embarrasing
Yeah I feel like a dirty old man
Got my eye on a girl
just moved out of moms house
with her pretty head stuck in the sand

The universe bends in my favour

Did the Devil make the world
While God was sleeping?

The night came early, shutting the windows and blocking the door

I never post at this hour. But tonight, I got home way too early and way to sober. And the house is empty, and the phone is silent. And even though that will only last until tomorrow, I can't for the life of me conjure up any certain idea of exactly when that is. Nor am I 100% that it WILL come. It has always so far, but who's to say?
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You said you were careful
You never were with me
I heard you did it four times
They come in packs of three

Just for the record

People just ain't no good
I think that's well understood
You can see it everywhere you look
People just ain't no good

We were married under cherry trees
Under blossom we made pour vows
All the blossoms come sailing down
Through the streets and through the playgrounds

The sun would stream on the sheets
Awoken by the morning bird
We'd buy the Sunday newspapers
And never read a single word

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good

Seasons came, Seasons went
The winter stripped the blossoms bare
A different tree now lines the streets
Shaking its fists in the air
The winter slammed us like a fist
The windows rattling in the gales
To which she drew the curtains
Made out of her wedding veils

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good at all

To our love send a dozen white lilies
To our love send a coffin of wood
To our love let all the pink-eyed pigeons coo
That people they just ain't no good
To our love send back all the letters
To our love a valentine of blood
To our love let all the jilted lovers cry
That people they just ain't no good

It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They can comfort you, some even try
They nurse you when you're ill of health
They bury you when you go and die
It ain't that in their hearts they're bad
They'd stick by you if they could
But that's just bull, baby
People just ain't no good

People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good
People they ain't no good at all

All my friends are dead

Funny.
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Weekend. Again? man, this keeps happening to me. This WE at least i'm not knee deep in snot and mucus. Something to praise the lord of the rings for.
going out tonight. Horizon, a new house club at Upplands Nation is premiering, and I'm gonna be there, sober as a preacher on sunday morning. Tomorrow, If i still have the energy and the motivation and SOME C*NT WILL COME WITH ME, I'll go stockholm and art hunting. Well, not hunting as in buying, but art-observing at least.
Then sunday it's cookie time with Li. Finally I'm gonna get to know more personally this suspiciously friendly person from work. Nice. And after cookie time its Salsa! Woa! It might be the new TV, who knows. Maybe it's the new beer..

Gotta go and break into my own bike. that f*cker.

Are you hopin for a miracle?

A few new book reports are in. I am considering scrambling that whole project on account of it being bad for my reading experience rather than good. another option would be to incorporate the reports into this here blog.

No more words from scotland

Arab Strap-on

You know I’m always moaning but you jump-start my serotonin.

I might be on TV but it's not until November -December. So you'll have forgot and things ll be allright I guess. I doubt I have a very fotogenique face in the blue flourescent light with blue coveralls and a stupid smirk on my face due to the many re-shots from different angles. This isn't about science, it's a puppet show.
What? You see, the swedish public TV company's educational branch (UR) is doing a series this winter on The Mysteries of Matter. And for some reason (maybe the King Carl XIV Gustaf tipped em off) they came to see our lab and do some filming. But there was very little planning, and (to me, a leyperson in the television and entertainment field) seemed rather chaotic and there was no real focus on what was going on, just "move a little closer together", "now, can you do that again, it didn't really look like you knew what you were doing", "ok, now do exactly the same thing, and I'll film it up close/from this stepping chair/from behind this glass door...".

Touch this, feel that, 75$ - Costanza

I always confuse puppet and puppy.

That puppet was not a happy camper - Letterman

Other than that, Im back in school. That is, I started taking a class : The physics of semiconductor materials. Loovely. And instead of studying that, or preparing for my informative seminar next week, I am writing this stool sample of a post. Nothing like a poop joke to lighten things up.

A picture post without the card

Electroclash is Karaoke too

I just have a few quick things to say this morning.

1st of all; music. My favourite songs right now.
- Rufus Wainright - The Art teacher and Vibrate
- Joanna Newsom - Inflammatory Writ and Peach, Plum, Pear
- Bloc Party - Like eating glass

2nd of all. The best thing when you feel in a slope is to redecorate. Reiterate yourself from your possesions to see who else you can be. I feel like a new man. a new man who's neighbours might dislike hime because he's draggin furniture across the room at eleven o'clock at night. The important thing is I managed to make a more spacious arrangement of my stuff (apart from my books, who seem to have grown while on the floor: I simply couldn't get them all back into the shelves of my relocated bookcase) and my malt whisky collection is now on display instead of being hidden away in a kitchen pantry. In honour and respect of their value, and in abhorrent recoil from some weekend affairs, I am also considering a "white " month, i.e. not to drink any alcohol for the coming month. I make no promises yet, but I am considering it.

Hit me back, just to chat, your biggest fan, this is Stan

Palindromaniac

I know I said I was looking for a woman, but I'd settle for a shag.

Got lots of new music to listen to now that I've been with BoBBy. I can recommend Joanna Newsom, Bloc Party, James Orr Complex, 4 Hero and Rufus Wainright. Oh! Now I'm listening to Bloc Party again, Like Eating Glass. Wooohoo!
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I know that I think I like you, but I don't think that I know you.

Ya dancer!

I am not allowed to say what's happened yet, but I know pretty much what I'm gonna do for a few years ahead.
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The song for the day, the song I listened to while biking as fast as the wind, is Like Eating Glass by Bloc Party.
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Tonight: Who knows, probably Tullamore Dew, maybe Gin. Tomorrow: Beer.

When you most need it, there's no time for it

Ach! I'm baack from Alba, or as you may know it; Scotia, Scotland, Skottland, Escocia, Ecosse Etc. Xcept for that poppycockup in the end, with us missing the plane, or rather the check-in time, by 13 minutes, it was a great success. Packed and complete with male bonding, new music, massive amounts of historical and political education, food (oh.. my achilles heal), whisky, dancing, girls kissing, live music, drinking, future pipe dreams and memories past. And for the name-dropping I know you're all waiting for: William Wallace, Arab Strap, James Orr Complex, Robert Bruce, Robert Burns, Robert Currie, Mary Queen of Scots, Ian Fleming, Dr. Livingstone I presume, Hadrian, James Watt, Lord Kelvin, Mitch Buchanon, Waxy O'Connor, Bloc Party, 4Hero, Jet - the ruler of a kingdom just beyond the Cat Stargate.

That's all for now.

News says it's rainin in Uppsala

I feel like someone handed me a stemin bag of shit
and then charged me 40£ for it.

Don't like Ryan air. I will henceforth use this moment as proof that always being ridiculously early and playing with margins the size of the english channel [is a good thing (author's note, three days after the post..)]. We missed the checkin time and guess what? Bend over.

Fix me a highball, I'm going to get good and tight

I decided to go to Scotland. Leaving tonight. Back sometime next week, if I live to tell.

Replacement killer

You are a Samurai.
You are full of honour and value respect. You
are not really the stereotypical hero, but you
do fight for good. Just in your own way. For
you, it is most certainly okay to kill an evil
person, if it is for justice and peace. You
also don't belive in mourning all the time and
think that once you've hit a bad stage in life
you just have to get up again. It's pointless
to concentrate on emotional pain and better to
just get on with everything. You also are a
down to earth type of person and think before
you act. Impulsive people may annoy you
somewhat.

Main weapon: Sword
Quote: "Always do the right thing.
This will gratify some people and astonish the
rest" -Mark Twain
Facial expression: Small smile


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

They all went to heaven in a little row boat

Perhaps the Luger?

We have a new type of rule now not one man rule or rule of aristocracy or plutocracy, but of small groups elevated to positions of absolute power by random pressures and subject to political and economic factors that leave little room for decision. They're representatives of abstract forces who've reached power through surrender of self. The iron will dictator is a thing of the past. There will be no more Stalins, no more Hitlers. The rulers of this most insecure of all worlds are rulers by accident, inept, frightened pilots at the controls of a vast machine they cannot understand, bringing in experts to tell them which buttons to push.

by William S Burroughs who inspired me to become a writer (which by the way I haven't)...

Like a cannonball

The town is filling up with sunshine and small assed women
and the only thing I can think of are dark things
like coffee and the cold blue surrounding a drowning man.

Aj

i'm trying to make new memories
in cities where we fell in love
my head just barely above
the darkest water i've ever known

Cynism, dessillusion?
Jag känner allt mer att jag aldrig igen kommer att bli kär i någon. Och med detta följer den alldeles mer skrämmande insikten att jag aldrig mer kommer att vara riktigt broken hearted. Oj det blev på svenska. Nån slags ärlighet antar jag.

Stop me, won't you, if you've heard this one before

I have the answer: Its... Radio!!!

Q: Vad är det första prinsessan Madeleine gör på morgonen?
A: Klär på sig och går hem.
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Q: What is the first thing (swedish) princess Madeleine does in the morning?
A: Gets dressed and goes home.

A full deck of rubber necks

What is a wake up call. Try not to feel a little ashamed when you feel relieved and justified to hear your co-worker is considering sick leave because of the stressful environment and the inability to let things go. Maybe it's not just me after all. Maybe there is something a little askew with this organisation. I feel sorry for her though, that it should have to go that far, and I also start wondering exactly how far away from that am I? Not that I've felt this as something horrible, just a sllight annoyance, a little irritation. Cue a hundred more days of that. It might just be enough, a chinese water torture of the modern world.
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I read Souly's blog, so I feel the need to talk a little music. Saw a live act on friday, a swedish guy called Borgert (forgot the first name) with "his" band Holy Madre. It was like a good Håkan Hellström, without the teenie-bopping crowd-pleasing shenanigans. Just good popmusic, good lyrics.
Other than that my headphones blare out:
-PJ Harvey - Nickel under your foot (peel sessions)
-Placebo - 36 degrees, second sight, special needs
-Radiohead - Fog(again)
-Transwagon
-Pj Harvey - This mess we're in

Musical dissapointment is that Laleh cancelled her show in Uppsala. Why? Dunno. Doncare. Isucks.

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These days have otherwise been filled with considerable amount of videogamin, Xbox, playing Zelda. It's not all that good. I've played a few games extremely superior to this drivel. But there is the need to finish it though. Not a strong one though.
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Ta

Enunciate!

"So, what do you think of the new Poop?"
-Heard this morning on a radio interview regerding His Holiness' visit to Cologne/Köln.

The Chimneysweep

Yeah, so anyway, monday night i went down to see a visiting italian friend, on a touristic adventure in sweden with 4 friends. We met up in a sunny and B-E-A-Utiful capital city, strolled around and caught up on people places and things. Then, inevitable, they (and I, I guess, but I prefer so consider myself a spectator) did the restaurant treasure hunt. Wandering around, getting more and more hungry but not able to settle for any place in particular for reasons of price, selection, location, blabla; which usually, as it did tonight, ends with an expensive place with so-so food. I REALLY enjoyed dinner, some weird fish (the guilt is nagging at me) with a great sauce and a baked potato. It was expensive as hell though, and I nuked this months budget on that dinner. Shame.
In alles it was a pleasent night, but it's always hard when there is a language barrier. Italian is hard when your playing it one-on-five. So I mostly got to practice my spanish with C.
Then there was the great end of the evening when I, not for the first time, misjudged the availability of trains and buses going between stohlm and uppsala. I had a few desparing minutes on the central station until I remembered I have a brother, who lives outside of stockholm. He saved me with a couch and has now also lent me his nintendo X-BOX which will severly decimate my "free time". But OH, man its a nice feeling playing video games. I miss it so much. It's gonna be a blast trying to get through Zelda - Windwalker (orwhateveathenamewas) in a few weeks of concentrated gameplay.
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ok time to play
see yall next year

I'm alpha kdup

Giddy.

Nothin wrong with him a 100$ wont fix

Here are some photos that I nicked from my brother. It's from my grammas birthday celebration earlier this summer. First there's me with gramma and grampa, then me, gramps, brother G+one, dad, brother M. Then just me. A lot of me, but in the words of Willam Burroughs, "What are you here for?". Enjoy.

And what I would like to say is
Right now
I feel like truly
Falling between the cracks

Tom Waits for no man

And i'm lost in the window, and i hide in the stairway
And i hang in the curtain, and i sleep in your hat...
And no one brings anything small into a bar around here
They all started out with bad directions
And the girl behind the counter has a tattooed tear
"one for every year he's away", she said
Such a crumbling beauty, ah
There's nothing wrong with her that a hundred dollars won't fix
She has that razor sadness that only gets worse
With the clang and the thunder of the southern pacific going by
And the clock ticks out like a dripping faucet
'Til you're full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin
And you spill out over the side to anyone who will listen...
And i've seen it all, i've seen it all
Through the yellow windows of the evening train...

I am feeling a little buscemi

stuck in stockholm last night with no trains and no buses - thank the Maker for brothers

So, I took a test...

Emo Kid You are 42% Rational, 28% Extroverted, 0% Brutal, and 42% Arrogant.

You are the Emo Kid, best described as a quiet pussy! You tend to be an intuitive rather than a logical thinker, meaning you rely more on your feelings than your thoughts. Not only that, but you are introverted, gentle, and rather humble. You embody all the traits of the perfect emo kid. You are a push-over, an emotional thinker, gentle to the extent of absurdity, and so humble that it even makes Jesus puke. If you write poetry, you no doubt write angsty, syrupy lines about depression, sadness, and other such redundant states of emo-being. Your personality is defective because you are too gentle, rather underconfident in yourself, decidely lacking in any rational thought, and also a bit too inhibited. I probably made you cry, didn't I? Fucking Emo Kid. To put it less negatively: 1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational. 2. You are more INTROVERTED than extroverted. 3. You are more GENTLE than brutal. 4. You are more HUMBLE than arrogant. Compatibility: Your exact opposite is the Smartass. Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Hippie, the Televangelist, and the Starving Artist. * * If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits. The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 22% on Rationality You scored higher than 27% on Extroversion You scored higher than 0% on Brutality You scored higher than 41% on Arrogance

Link: The Personality Defect Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid

Security Tape

THE CONTENTS AND PACKAGING OF THIS CONSIGNMENT WERE IN PERFECT ORDER AND CONDITION AT THE TIME OF DESPATCH
DO NOT ACCEPT FROM CARRIER IF RECIVED IN DAMAGED CONDITION OR TAPE SEAL IS BROKEN
THIS PACKAGE IS TRACEABLE FROM DESPATCH TO DELIVERY

A crab's eye on the end of a stalk

I was just struck with an unbearable fatigue. The way you can only feel on a friday afternoon. Will my legs carry me home? Will my feet lead my way to safety? I want to give someone somethin beautiful, in a box that says "I am transporting a treasure" and on the beutiful something will be a note that says "I am a treasure". Or maybe it needs to be printed to a tshirt.
I had an vision of impulsively getting a tattoo this weekend. Just walking in to the parlor and doing it. It needs to be done soon, I am even more sure now than ever what it will be and where. Chances that I will actually go trough with it? 10%? 15%? And the weird part is that what really keeps me from doing it is the cost. I'd feel superficial and vain as fcuk for doing it, when that very sum of money could save x number of lives, free tibet, stop global warming and cure cancer. It's getting harder and harder to spend...
On a related topic I heard a radio interview the other day. It seems the swedish public are slow and reluctant on embracing the "fair trade" products that are available. The woman in the interview, who was an ex-head of one of the largest ehm, you know food store chain thingys, had the theory that the swedish people, traditionally under a solid socialist rule (don't try to pretend it's not embedded in our culture), are so used to having a governmentally controlled economic system that they ASSUME that whatever is dished out within our border has passed some form of control. Well, get wise, it hasn't.
And then there was the discussion about ecological products and how they didn't contain less poisons than the "normal" goods. It bugged the hell out of me that no one in the debate made the obvious deduction that the poisonous herbacides and pesticides that are showered over the "normal" crops then MUST be either in the ground where crops grow (seeping quietly like cancer down to the ground water, off to the seas) or in the people that harvest and grow them (i.e. the poor, exploited third world workers that are mutilated, killed and crippled so that you, yes you and me, can buy cheaper shinier friuts and veg. I got so aggravated by the piss-bag that kept saying that there was No reason to buy ecological food. Whatta dumbfuck asshole shit for brains. Ahhahhaha.. I like getting a little pissed off. It doesn't happend that often cuz I usually keep this side repressed in order not to go insane from the despair of looking at the world today.
-
My goodness, jesus louiseus.. Sorry bout the rant. Back all blasé and sarcastic some other day.
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I'm gonna start up a poker game, weekly or biweekly. Wanna join? I'm not even joking. Call me.

Tropical storm in a milk glass

Could someone please send me information about the Green House effect. Because I keep hearing that there is No Substantial Evidence for it's existance. And, yes, the problem is that I do believe in it, but I would like som sort of scientific evidence to jam into the mouths of those who dare contest. Because, Global Warming (which IS a fact) is not exactly proof of the Green House Effect.
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I hear that Mr Blair has, or wants to at least, pass a law that will criminalise the "justification" of terrorism. That is, it will be illegal express understanding for the terrorists. Does this seem right? Isn't often one mans terrorist another man's freedom fighter and will this not turn towards FURTHER polarisation, more missconception and missunderstanding and ... more terrorism? WTF Mr Blar? I understand it. Sometimes. So arrest me you totalitarian fuck.
Will it soon be illegal to pass judgement on the policies of ones own government perhaps? Woohhooo where are we gooOOooing?
Someone said, recently, that the only counteraction towards terrorism is working for global equality. Now that is intelligent. Of course, this was not a politician making this statement...
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For now. buck up

C is for cookie, that's good enough for me

I can't believe it's over. The culmination of so many expectations exploded last night in the cacaphonic finale of Top Model 4. I feel emptier than yesterday, lighter, but with less to long for. More satisfied. I've learned so much from Tyra, not to mention her minions, Janice Dickinson - one of the worlds first super models -, Nigel Barker - prominent fashion photographer-, Nolé Marin - noted fashion editor and stylist-, and of course Mr and Mrs Jay.

I wish I could go on but i have laundry day today. Gotta go fluff and fold.

Bye

Tiramisú

"Oh, how I hated the photo where you look scared", he thought, and then a wave of nostalgia washed over and he was distracted by the swelling of a large heart in a small rib cage

You enjoy yourself, I'm gonna go ice my balls and spit up blood

I can recommend the Wedding Crashers. Excellent comedy with great actors Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn. Hilarious.
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Tiddely um
Apparantly some people don't even answer to flirting text messages. That's what I hear anyway.
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I can't really recommend the Family Guy movie - The Stu Griffin story. "It was just too much fluff" to quote Darlene. OR maybe not enough fluff..
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No Im gonna go homeward bound

Fuck it. Bad day.

News says it's raining in New York

Chewbacca is my co-pilot. Ralph wiggum is my technical advisor.

Good weekend. Turmoil and relaxation in an unexpected mix. Now I'm trying to get a grip on work, but I seem to destroy considerably more than I repair and that makes me hesitant. Going home now. Need to write some suggestions for experiments by tomorrow.

"If you live in a river you must make friends with the crocodile"

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Coffee and banana breaks
That girl is taller than a short stack of cakes

As promised

New photos are up.

There's that dog again

It's becomning a habit, abuse or a second home; my mind flees to radiohead.com

care bears falling dead out of the sky.
the labour party claims it was their idea.
part of the peace process.
to educate small children in weighty matters such as
organised religion.
confused?
tori amoz.
liz hurley.
follow the yellow brick road.
renegade marxist terrorists.
don’t feel stupid.
birds falling dead out of the sky.
mother nature has her own special ways of fighting back.
---
unforgiving .
pencil sharp.
well at least.
you look the part.

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Anonymous säger:
pero el bueno es que te sientes vivo.... tienes muchas suerte en esto
PerOskar-perfect blend of technology and magic säger:
es verdad, y yo tengo un corazon como un perrito; siempre corriendo para todas partes, sentiendo, querendo, muy facil a animar
Anonymous säger:
eh eh ...un perrito

A melon collie

In a word,
Rise like the sun
Fall like a pancake
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This weekend I dunno what to do. Gotany suggestions? That require minimum effort, naturally.. I will go townbound tomorrow (.. hey wait, maybe I'll go right now..) to buy some wine I ordered and pick up two rolls of developed DIA pictures. Exciting, but anticipation tells me not to get my hopes up (as one always does with photos, dang!). Tricky bit is that I don have a projector for dia pictures (dang! again).
Maybe I'll go down capital bound in the morrow. Pride festival and a friendofafriend is having a party that I'm not invited to but welcome to nonetheless.
BArring any unforeseen mishaps and hangovers I should be able to upload my lates photos sometime this weekend. Bare with me. Bare ass with me. I'm talkin to you, Robert.
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I think I'm gonna invent a desert or drink called melon collie. That sound like a plan for my state of mind. I want to get drunk and forget. Forget what? Exactly.
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Some actual information: If you didn't know, I am currently working at the Uppsala university as a research engineer developing some new kind of solar modules (for electricity). I recently got my employment extended to the end of the year and I have some kind of semi-promise of a PhD placement in the case our group receives funding (in my tired state I first spelled it findong..) for 3-4 yrs of continued research. If not, my job here will be finished and 2006 will be yet another great unknown to wrestle with. In my mind I'm thinking New York or Scotland, although I'd really just prefer to stay here. Well, whatever. I've been rolling long enough now, and without the proverbial moss it can get pretty darned cold sometimes. I could use something to cover me, wrap me up.
I guess I'm talkin about love again, it's like that band, it's always "Everything but the girl". Tired of hoping is what's called losing faith.
It's times like these I really love my friends and I am so effing thankful that they're here, everywhere to give me love. And sugar.
----====That's right I'm talking about you. THANK YOU=====-----

Onion

Loser hiding behind winning smile

More shameless ...

...stealing

so there i was.

wanted by the state and naked and covered in shit
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little skulls. witless helpless eurokids you will learn eventually. all one big happy village complete with slaves. look after the pennies and fuk evrybody else. be constructive in your analysis. we want none of your cnspircy shit here.
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the steering wheel through the ribs. the shadows swallowing my soul. fall through a blck hole and start again. justa shell remains bleeding on the pavement. you can stuf it with straw and dreess it in bright clothes to scare the crows but they will not be impressed. i dont understand a word you say and you seem so far away, your lips are cold. your eyes are beach stones. everything washes over you like a shipwreck.
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theres a story about
a place where it rains all the time and when people decide to kill themselves they stand with their faces turned to the sky mouths open until they drown

We can't stop here! This is bat-country..

I think I'm getting the Fear

Untouchable face

Enjoying the way a song can take you back to meet someone you used to be, years ago when life was different. I get the feeling that person had something to teach me..

Think I'm goin for a walk now
I feel a little unsteady
And I don't want nobody to follow me
Except maybe you

Morning glory

That morning when you look out of the window
and just wish and wish and wish
it was raining
it isn't

But I guess this has to be dealt with anyway
without the proper dramatic backdrop

They

They all died in the fire I started

They were wrong, so we drowned

It can make or break your day

Falling in love is easy
Climbing out of it.. not so much

It's the little touches that make a future solid enough to be destroyed

I know I haven't mentioned it in so many words, but I also have a new friend. Anna. Charming young woman. And as we say in sweden, "she has her head on a shaft". It's nice to have people around that want to hang out, even if your're not really going to do anything.. Actually that's more than nice, it's the proverbial shit, the bomb.

Gotta go and sneak in some work between the coffee and banana breaks.

Stay square

PS. yesterday I met a TV weatherman

I am no pitbull

If you leave me alone, I wont go looking for killings, run around barking or chase kids upp trees. My character is more feline and I think that without applied pressure I'd just sit around, lick my balls and look down upon the scurrying humans with a smilnig incomprehension. Miao.

A thanksgiving prayer

Thanks for the wild turkey and
the passenger pigeons, destined
to be shit out through wholesome
American guts.


Thanks for a continent to despoil
and poison.

Thanks for Indians to provide a
modicum of challenge and
danger.

Thanks for vast herds of bison to
kill and skin leaving the
carcasses to rot.

Thanks for bounties on wolves
and coyotes.

Thanks for the American dream,
To vulgarize and to falsify until
the bare lies shine through.

Thanks for the KKK.

For nigger-killin' lawmen,
feelin' their notches.

For decent church-goin' women,
with their mean, pinched, bitter,
evil faces.

Thanks for "Kill a Queer for
Christ" stickers.

Thanks for laboratory AIDS.

Thanks for Prohibition and the
war against drugs.

Thanks for a country where
nobody's allowed to mind the
own business.

Thanks for a nation of finks.

Yes, thanks for all the
memories-- all right let's see
your arms!

You always were a headache and
you always were a bore.

Thanks for the last and greatest
betrayal of the last and greatest
of human dreams.
-by William Seward Burroughs

Never.Never.Land

Now I have my Roller Blades. Right here. Well not right here at woirk, but right here in Uppsala, and if I hadn't been tired and forgotten this morn I wouldve taken them here to uni. Wroom. Onward with my head-cracking lifestyle.
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I also have my now even more broken camera-tripod. Lets shed a few tears for broken plastic..
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Why? Cusz my bruther came by yesterday on his way from Övik and dropped off some stuff of mine. Unfortunately not my bass amplifier, cause then I couldve rocked anyones world.
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I also have two (2) freeze beez. Getem while theyr hot.
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Your fantasies are unlikely. But beautiful.

Now scram. C U later

Touch screen

The songs for today are definetely Best of You and Friend of a Friend, both from the new Foo Fighters Album. I also like the video to Best of you, despite it's classical music video nature it sends some tremors through me. Check it out here.

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On the topic of current events, I just have to say that there was a warm feeling spreading through me a few days ago when the IRA, apparently unprovoked, laid down their weapons and, at least officially, abandoned the armed struggle. A response came, relatively quickly, as the british started to dismantle several guard towers in Northern Ireland. In a word, there is Hope.
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When the great imperial United States of America fall, what will rise to replace them? The European Union? China? India? He who lives shall see, I guess.
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LAcking proper inspiration, these following paragraphs were stolen from Radiohead.com

maKE peace with the world taking your seat on the plane
on this last flight out of new york this evening there is a bomb
children and families first please
excuse me have i got the window seat i asked for
i have to be able to see the ground
which is C?
neatly designed hand luggage
cattle herded to slaughter they hold their bags up and inch forward

bright gay colours appear sad and grey in the pressurised cabin
the feed is reheated
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everyone says itll be okay. just don't get freaked out. but i can't get the rhythm. sit on the steps with too much caffeine and a locked jaw i can't get the fu ing rhythm. yesterday was okay, tommorrow will be okay. im okay how are you iam fine thanks how are you im okay how are you? I hoPE YOUR OKAY too.
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---

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a million and one pinpricks in the one youloVe HOPIng she ll
give up on yu so youd r e a l l y hav someone tobLame

boy
you hav got to get your house in
order

Do you love that or hate that? I love it. And if you don't get it, it probably wasn't meant for you.
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...and now even the King of Sweden has realised it's high time to start saving our planet before her adolescent behaviour sends her to a ditch somewhere, wrapped in plastic, bound and gagged by her inhabitants..

I am liking it...

Hes never been in love
But he knows just what love is
He says nevermind
And no one speaks

He thinks he drinks too much
Cause when he tells his two best friends
I think I drink too much
No one speaks

...the new Foo Fighters album that is

Drain pipe dream

Like grass and children, love can grow on rainy days as well

even now in heaven

I am somewhat in a Damien Rice state of mind over this. It's really a cocktail of sweet melancholy and a swirling wonder with just a few grains of hope dusted on top.
In another sense, and in another part of my mind, I am more so in a Difranco state of mind, where "the little plastic castle is a surprise every time". For me this plastic castle is the warm and good people that, lookin back, actually have been strewn in my path like trip wires. And it's true that if now I am not fifteen feeling some deep fear about the world and life, it is because these ten years have I have been seeing these wonderful people climb from the sea shore onto my previously desert island and setting up camp, growing crops and basking in the sun. Looking around today, it would be wrong not to call it populated.

Sticks and stones may break my bones but I'm too cool to notice

Reflections

After she left I noticed that, in merely three hours she had emptied my apartment completely.

u.n.k.l.e.

"Life's a gun that's pointing in my face"

"Someone's found a way to break into my mind"

It's my language, and I'll do what I want with it

jag går på randen till stupet som heter Förälskelse och tittar ner. Kan inte minnas när jag var så här nära sist och det kändes så fullt av glädje att falla. om du bara kunde se henne... vi känner varandra inte så väl ännu, och "inget har hänt" som det heter i folkmun, men vi flörtar, vi flörtar, vi skämtar vi ler.. och hon är så vacker så vacker. jag kan skratta åt hur osannolikt vacker hon är och åt hur pojkar tappar fattningen i hennes närvaro. vi träffas för 4:e gången nånsin imorgon. hemma hos mig. med mat och vin (om hon dricker, vilket jag inte vet) och i den bästa av alla tänkbara världar ska jag kyssa henne. och den underbaraste detaljen av alla: hon heter...
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One day
or another
I'm gonna getchagetchagetchagetcha

Peel it...

I sure hope you visit The Onion now and then for some interesting news. I like the kitty on this weeks issue (top right).
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Am slightly impressed by the zealousness of Maja and Andreas as they comment on news and current events. But I don't feel any ambition to do so myself. Go Kidman! Go stemcells! I like it in my little bubble where my life is the important news. For now anyway.
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