musings in the morning glory

Waking up
the feeling of emptyness and distance is still with me
it's like my own stomach is rebelling against me
against any sense really
so I need to do something

I turn on the cdplayer
flip to a track I know well
turn the volume well up
and let it echo across the white bare walls of my apartment
so comes the relief of emotion
flood gates open
realisation that what I need is sensitation
sensitation to anything, to everything around me
everything that can become clouded over by dark thoughts
bad self esteem
all these roads I've been down too many times
to have any excuse to go back there

I need a boost
a voice that lifts my chin
and lets me see the light that comes through
reflecting brightness on a virgin cover of snow

So even though my plants are dying
euthanasia
and my things are scattered as if by a smart bomb gone stupid hit my living room
erupted
tossing cds, tshirts, socks, bills, books, cords, newspapers
in all directions

And maybe it's hard
but there's always a choice
what to accept as a mood
and what not to let enter into your mind and take over

I have a million things to enjoy today
can't keep this up

the only thing is i miss the only thing i don't have within arms length
it's strange how someone so quickly can find a place in your life
so naturally
that their absence leaves behind a void
a space only they can fill

-
ah! no more of this brooding and rambling. time for breakfast!