I have to turn away from this terrible drug

I had a bit of a confrontation with my self last night. You see, I was in a situation where everything was right, I mean that all known factors and were beneficial, and yet at what I felt should've been the peak and culmination of a great evening I turned a corner into complete darkness. Clarification: Right after work I met up with some friends, possibly the best, most intimate and kind friends I have here in Uppsala, and we settled in the semi-warming afternoon sun for the years first barbecue. A great meal was ingested. Laughter, smiles and all the kind words were exchanged. The chilling breath of evening ushered us inside and we kept on. Coffee and TV and videogame and guitar and back rub and more of the joking and the laughter. Hours later, I was sitting on the couch feeling completely alone and weird. I lost foothold, and instead of sliding or tripping it meant a stumble into a nothingness. A fall into a bottomless pit. No landing, no wind rushing past. Just empty, dark and quiet
In the dark I sat for a while, bewildered. What had happened. Why was I there, and everyone else outside. And then I felt a familiar breath on my neck. A monster from years past exhaling through fangs of ivory. Not far had I moved. Not far enough from the places I'd been, to escape this monster. But lessons learned are lessons learned. I rose, turned around to face the beast, and backed calmly out the door. I rode my bike through a trembling night home, the beast left sitting on a couch in my friends aparment.