Musical parapsychology

1. How are you feeling today?
G.U.B.N.U.F. - Bugge Wesseltoft

2. Will you get far in life?
Marco Polo - Loreena McKennitt

3. How do your friends see you?
Goodnight song - Tears For Fears

4. Will you get married?
You gonna need my help - Muddy Waters

5. What is your life's theme song?
Eminem Freestyle (over WW3 Beat)

6. What is the story of your life?
Working Girl - Jeff Harms

7. What was high school like?
Little Earthquakes (live) - Tori Amos

8. How can you get ahead in life?
Interlude - Muse

9. What is tomorrow going to be like?
the Optimist - Turin Brakes

10. What is the best thing about your friends?
Could Well be in - The Streets

11. What is in store for the next weekend?
Dogs - Pink Floyd

12. What song best describes you?
Cradle and All - Ani Difranco

13. How is your life going?
Hold on - Lou reed

14. What song will play at your funeral?
Hell is round the corner - Tricky (hahaha, didn't cheat, I swear!)

15. How does the world see you?
The one you love - Rufus wainwright

16. Will you have a happy life?
Nixon - Tiger Lou

17. What do your friends really think of you?
time and time again - counting crows

18. What song describes the person you're attracted to?
gratitude - ani difranco

19. What message would you like to tell the next generation?
Second intermission -Ani difranco

20. Do you have a deep dark secret?
Singles party - Greyboy

21. Do people secretly lust after me?
Horses in my dreams - PJ harvey

22. How can I make myself happy?
could well be in - the streets

23. Will I ever have children?
I got you under my skin - Diana Krall

24. What's some good advice for me?
Mr Moon - Jamiroquai

25. How will I be remembered?
No way - Pearl Jam

26. What is my signature dance song?
Wonderwall - Radiohead making fun of oasis

So cheap and juicy

Friends,
i had an exam today. Oh, wow, it always feels so good afterwards. Such a liberation. I am really really tired now, and I wont stay up late tonight. Please have oversight of all the spelling errors that might be caised by myu mentalstate.
--
O, and heres some more good news. I have got 7 fresh albums in my room. Yesterday I finally went and bought the new Regina Spektor. Begin to hope. And so, when I got home I had a little notice from Amazon.com on muy floor. A beautiful little order containing ;
Ani Difranco - Reprieve 2006
Ani Difranco - Live at carnegie hall official vootleg.
Kaki king - Everybody loves you
Kaki king - Legs to make us longer
Lilium - Transmissions of all the goodbyes
Lilium - Short stories
-
And what to say? Ani has done it again. That is, another wonderful and beautiful reason not to just download an album. The fiber paper digipack with a textured print is really nice. Let's see what the contents of the cd are. But I don't expect anything extravagant. She seems set in her same way for the last three albums, and this one sounds a lot like them. Am more anticipative of the live one. I think it may be great.
Then there's the all new kaki king. I really have only listened to a few songs, and also she's an all instrumental gal on these, her first two, albums. I am often looking for something new, something just slightly different, and her guitar-vituosity may well be something of a vitamin injection into my musical life.
And then the lilium records. Short stories I've listened intensely to for a while. It is, hands down, one in the 20 best albums I've ever heard. Much thanks to it's eclectic style, using different singers and lyricists for many of the songs, mixing languages, and a very very beautiful studio work and instrumentation. Their first albym, Transmissions of.. seems to be an all instrumental piece. Shame, but whos to say it isnt great anyway.
-
And Begin to hope, by Regina Spektor. Well, it's hardly as blow you away great as Soviet Kitsch, but shes got a lovely voice, and a quirky diction that works. And works well.
So far, I especially like the bluesy Lady and the longing and sad Summer.
-
Well. Thats me signing off
gnight
oh, and if anyone could help me to choose a new mobile, thatd be great.
Sonyericsson W700, K610, K510 are on my list.

Heard about it through the semicrystalline poly-iso-butylene


New pictures up on flickr.
--
Still working hard so no real updates going on for the site or other sh**t.
--
I am going to Gothenburg on the 19th and staying til the 22nd, so holler if you want me!
-
Wowsa, I am so totally stressed out. I think I may crash and burn on these courses I'm taking. But then again, so far everything I've ever done has proven to be easier than expected and why should this be any different. And on the other hand, if I should fail these courses it'll be a new and probably fruitful experience.
-
Sadly, the stress is always a good catalyst for ideas. My photographic creativity is bubbling under the surface but there is no time to let it burst out.
Other plans include a website, music, and bowling.
-

A lot more than a 1000 words

Pictures from latest shenanigans:
- Evening
- Samarret

Other that photoing, I'm working my already skimpy little ass off with courses in Physics of Semiconductor Devices, Polymer Mechanics and The Art of Measurement.
So you can imagine I don't really have a lot of time left to be writing on this little page.
-
FYI, I am coming/going home to Örnsköldsvik this weekend. Gie me a shout if you wish to frollic.

Until next time
Wow me

Ils disent qu'elle est trop belle pour moi

Parfois quand on se voit
Semblant que c'est pas exprès
Avec ses yeux mouillants
Elle dit qu'elle partira
Elle dit qu'elle me suivra
Alors pour un instant
Pour un instant seulement
Alors moi je la crois Monsieur
Pour un instant
Pour un instant seulement

Qué and A

LAST PERSON:
1. Slept in your bed besides you? Harry
2. Whos bed you slept in? Harrys
3. Saw you cry? Harry (this is getting monotonous, ney?)
4. You saw a movie with? Harry (I aint kiddin man)
5. You went to the mall with? hmm, mall.. well that would be Karin in Dresden
6. You went to dinner with? My entire deparment tonight...
7. You talked on the phone with? According to my mobile: Dani
8. Broke your heart? wow, thats a good question.. CP probably, if we're talking properly broken
9. Made you laugh? Well, I must've laughed tonigt.. Ulf?

WOULD YOU RATHER?
1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Tongue
2. Be serious or be funny? Nothing is serious, so funny
3. Drink whole or skim milk? whole fat milk fo real
4. Die in a fire or drown? No way in hellsinki would I choose to burn, so drown i guess
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Wats rong wid parents? I like mine. I squish my enemies like chestnuts on the sidewalk.

ARE YOU..
1. Simple or complicated? simple, but no one would ever guess..
2. Gay? Nay!
3. Hardcore? We are all soft and pulpy. Ask any surgeon. Peaches are hardcore.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY !!
1. Do you like anyone? WtF mate? Take a big whopping guess when you read through the preceding lines.
2. Do they know it? She better know it..

DO YOU PREFER...
1. Sun or moon? sun
2. Winter or Fall? good question, seasons are there for their relative excellence... the beauty is in the variations.. fall is beautiful though
3. Left or right? well, left i guess, I'm a little gauche..
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? 2 best friends. thats the way I work. acquaintances are murals on the walls of life.
5. Sun or rain? sun, again, you twatt
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? VAnilla Ice dude

ABOUT YOU!
1. What time is it? 01:29
2. Name? P to the O to the W-E-S. Well actually it's Per Oskar
3. Nickname(s): P-O, that's about it. No one ever managed to give me a nick that stuck. Well, maybe the Pimp. The Tapdancingpimp.
4. Where were you born? Ornskoldsvik.
5. What is your birthdate? Guy Fawkes night
6. What do you want? just Her and Time
7. Where do you want to live? in the ocean, on a mountain, by the beach
8. How many kids do you want? dunno. one?
9. You want to get married? don't really care.. its a formality

UNIQUE!
1. Nervous Habits: bite nails, drumming hands,
2. Can you roll your tongue? yup
3. Can you raise one eyebrow? fink so
4. Can you cross your eyes? ja
5. Do you make your bed daily? nope
6. Which shoe goes on first? rrrrrright
7. Ever thrown one at someone? a shoe? no
8. On average, how much money do you carry with you? I would say 100 SEK ~10€
9. What jewelry do you wear? one piece of eyebrow piercing

OTHER
1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I like my spaghetti like I like my women..
3. Favorite ice cream: whichever is closest to my mouth
4. How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? two?
5. Do you cook? Does the Pope shit in the woods?

IN THE LAST MONTH, HAVE YOU? (YES OR NO)
1. Had sex: yes
2. Bought somthing you didn't need: oh yeah
3. Kissed someone: yes!
4. Sang in front of people: yes, both solo and in a comforting mass
5. Been hugged: :D
6. Felt stupid: every day
7. Missed someone: yes!!
8. Got drunk: right now
9. Got high: no
10. Danced Crazy: not sure, no I guess
11. Gotten your hair cut: no
12. Cried: just a little
13. Lied: no big ones.. maybe tried to impress some coworkers?

I need a phone call. I need a rain coat.

Call me. Call me in the morning. Before I wake up. Before I am myself. Call me and whisper through the telephone into my dream. Whisper that you will meet me where I close my eyes. That you hands will hold me, catch me, kiss me, thrill me, as I fall ... asleep. Bash down reality for a warm slice of fantasy. You run through my veins, warm as any alcohol, sharp as cocain, soft as weed. Please carry me with you. When you go.

Absinthe make the heart grow fonder

This weeks café: Melinas
I've taken some classes in polymer mechanics this week, and for this I've been commuting back and forth to Stockholm. By happenstance and luck, I have a close friend living in Södermalm and I stayed there for one night, saving one commute and nurturing one of my dearest and closest relations.
Round the corner from her house is a small place called Melinas. A big basement café, with a few chairs and tables on the sidewalk for unseasonably warm september nights as yesterday. And what can I say. 20:- for a coffee and a bun - can you beat that? And in Stockholm no less! A friendly guy took my order and seemed happy as Larry althoigh the place was almost empty. Anyhoo, I didnt have my camere, so there is no photo, but I strongly recommend a visit if you are in the neighbourhood of Skanstull in Sthlm. Especially if your a bit short on cash and still feel like an espresso (15:-) or a coffee (10:-). I stayed outside this time, but the insides looked cosy enough. The only minus I could think of was the absense of cute waitresses.
-
It's when life gets you down you start seeing all the bad things. When pain steps in and shows you how it can be more than a signal, an indicator, that it can be a hypnotizing orb. A glowing sphere that pushes every thought, and every other feeling out of your head. In a sense it is also focussing. In that you can only hold on to one single thought at the time, in the space that is left next to the glowing light, and the humming tune, of physical pain. Your step changes. Your posture changes. Every person adressing you needs to get past the barrier of communication that is set by all the nerve signals that crowd around your concious, screaming for attention. Feel me. Rectify me.
Recently I experienced some of these things. I literally felt all my worries shrink, as a blinding, crippling pain washed over me and settled in my body. Compared to the immediate needs of the Body, the Mind and the Spirit are tiny little pot-bellied pigs, begging for their masters attention.
-
Some Real things have happened lately. Let's get though it. But first I gotta get a glass. And some rum.
-
Real thing 1.
I went to my first conference. Well, no that's not strictly true. I Actively Participated in my first conference as a Contributor. I presented my results on Damp Heat Degradation of CIGS solar cells in the 21st EUPVSEC in dresden on the 5th of september. It was a cool and eye-opening experience. I felt I got some good response and maybe some contacts from that little trip. At least I got a deck of business cards to play with.

Real thing 2.
This is - I mean I'm not sure to lable it Real, since it is a feeling, something highly subjective and internal. Like temperature. But here goes - I'm so in love. I've never felt like this for such a long time. I've had passionate butterflights across a pastel sky before, but they've only lasted enough time for me to take the strongest bat of wings as I hit some pavement of any european country. But now, I am positively flying. (And there, just this second, wings fluttered against my skin, because on this flight I not alone). I feel stronger than I have ever felt in a relationship, and still completely at the mercy of someone else. Baby, words will not ever be enough. As you said, all the pop song clichés hit me like a sermon. Or like Ani said

"sleep walking through the all-nite drug store
baptized in fluorescent light
i found religion in the greeting card aisle
now i know hallmark was right
and every pop song on the radio
is suddenly speaking to me
art may imitate life
but life imitates t.v.
'cuz you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and let's just say that things look different now
different in so many ways

i used to be a superhero
no one could touch me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everbody else

if i was dressed in my best defenses
would you agree to meet me for coffee
if i did my tricks with smoke and mirrors
would you still know which one was me
if i was naked and screaming
on your front lawn
would you turn on the light and come down
screaming, there's the asshole
who did this to me
stripped me of my power
stripped me down

i used to be a superhero
no one could hurt me
not even myself
you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else

yeah you've been gone exactly two weeks
two weeks and three days
and now i'm a different person
different in so many ways
tell me what did you like about me
and don't say my strength and daring
'cuz now i think i'm at your mercy
and it's my first time for this kind of thing

i used to be a superhero
i would swoop down and save me
from myself
but you are like a phone booth
that i somehow stumbled into
and now look at me
i am just like everybody else"


Real thing No 3
Have I told you already? Well repetition is the best path to learning. This school year I will be acting photographer for the Studen Nation of Norrland in Uppsala. That means documening the nation, it's activities and people. Going freee of charge to a bunch of nice dinners, taking picture, talking to a bunch of strangers and making friends. I am happy and anticipative.

Real thing no 4 - trivial as hell
I discovered a new alcohol. simple as it may seem, I just chanced - on some unspecified memory of an expressed preference by someone - on buying a bottle of brown rum. Aged like a whisky or cognac or anything. and I tell you, it goes down smooth. I know I'm in a dangerous area for alcohol abuse, but as I kind of like it here I will linger a little longer. Until I, or someone else, reacts on the state of things. So far, I am keeping in better shape than some people around me, and thats good enough for me.

Real Memory
"C is for cookie - that's good enough for me"
the one goes out to the Collective - Barcelona

Introspective exhibitionism

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. baker
2. postman
3. fish-gutter
4. researcher

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. the big lebowski
2. a fish called wanda
3. dumb and dumber
4. fear and loathing in las vegas

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
1. barcelona
2. nancy
3. uppsala
4. luleå

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. family guy
2. south park
3. top model
4. scrubs

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
1. tangiers
2. glasgow
3. galway
4. rome

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY:
1. wikipedia.org
2. dn.se
3. www.itsmorelikejustadance.blogspot.com
4. and i'm tryin to start visiting myspace.com

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS:
1. pizza
2. beans on toast à la me
3. pasta with pesto and cottage cheese
4. cheese

FOUR SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED
1. Luleå University of Technology
2. Universitat Politecnica de Catalunya
3. Ecole Europeenne d'Ingenieurs en Genie des Materiaux
4. Uppsala University

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR ROOM:
1. iBook
2. tripod
3. cds
4. my lovely bed

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. haglöfs pants
2. plaid shirt a la brokeback mountain
3. (four things eh?) sandals
4. glasses

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
1. in my bed.
2. in Röjnoret in bed
3. in Nordingrå in bed
4. in Barcelona off my tits

Internet Explorer Blows (doesn't it?)

If you're not seeing this OK, try using a decent browser or wait a couple of days while I clean up the code.

-=The Coffee House Episodes=-

it's 2:oo am on a sunday morning.
-
i am messing about with the layout again.
we'll see where it ends
up
-
one of the episodes in my life that I keep coming back to
is when I was in France, and I was starting to feel better about most everything in life
two things were there to say hello to me
in this emergency
were a close friend
and cafés.
I'd do what I thought was artsy, and go along to different places
and sit around and read or write, usually both,
and a warm feeling began to envelope me.
My friend did very much the same, and occasionally we'd meet up in the same place
or talk about which places were nicest.
The waitresses naturally became an important factor to consider when chosing the place, and there is one particular place that stands out, café Les Artistes, where one of the waitresses actually became rather friendly with both of us.
Anyway, my point is, I really took a liking to places where nice girls gave me good coffee. And now I will make an effort to find the best place(s) in Uppsala to provide this.

Erase me

For those of you who haven't been informed. Thom Yorke of Radiohead has released his first solo album. It is called "The Eraser". Check out the 1st single and video here.

Agree with the idiots about everything, and smile.

Tonight we watched an Oliverstone movie, talk radio. And I went through a bottle of Chianti. Very good wine. But of course, now I am a bit drunk.
Also today, I cooked a nice chili, my old chick-pea chili, but I added red beans. Need to keep those proteins coming, or so every non-vegetarian keeps reminding me. Of course, they would know, having studied all that nutrition. The chili turned out great, spicy with spanish yellow peppers to rock and roll.
-
I have been thinking more about the anonymity/honesty situation, and here's where I'm at right now: What if I just start to break as many barriers as Í can and as soon as anyone feels exposed, betrayed or otherwhise, just let me know and I'll erase all the records. burn all the bridges and retract all the lies I have spread.
Does that sound allright?
-

A night

As I walked through the door yesterday, my flatmates were still drunk. I say still, cause I met them in the morning as I got up to go to work, and they were drinking wine out of the bottle, smiling and moving unsteadily. Not soon after my return I was presented with a drink. It was a mix of coffee, ice, icecream, absinth and soy milk. I didn't finish it. Instead I cooked a pasta of tomatoes, spring onions, garlic and almonds.
Throughout the evening I sat around and listened to people talk. I am not very talkative myself, but I enjoy listening. So many people have so many stories. Later on, before going to bed,
I took some pictures. You didn't hear it from me, but there may have been nudity. There may have been boys kissing. Oh, don't worry, it's not as weird as it sounds.

Birth month

"No shadow
No stars
No moon
No cars

November

It only believes
In a pile of dead leaves
And a moon
That's the color of bone

No prayers for November
To linger longer
Stick your spoon in the wall
We'll slaughter them all

November has tied me
To an old dead tree
Get word to April
To rescue me

November's cold chain
Made of wet boots and rain
And shiny black ravens
On chimney smoke lanes

November seems odd
You're my firing squad

November

With my hair slicked back
With carrion shellac
With the blood from a pheasant
And the bone from a hare

Tied to the branches
Of a roebuck stag
Left to wave in the timber
Like a buck shot flag

Go away you rainsnout
Go away, blow your brains out"


Another Tom Waits Song

New light

A few nights ago, as I was waiting for a friend at a bus stop, I felt as though I could be anyone. All the people walking around me, didn't know me, wouldn't know me, and I was a complete stranger to all of them. The light and warmth from late afternoon sun enhanced the feeling of being expatriated, somewhere else, lost. A warm city smells different. I like being anonymous, ignored or met with curiosity. New. Fresh. It's a big city feeling and I rarely get it in Uppsala.
Now since I did, I felt even more - paradoxically - at home.
-
Speaking of anonymity, the thought occurred to me to start blogging anonymously. Loosen the shackles and inhibitions caused the possible reviews of employers, family, etc. Complete freedom of expression.

Completely naked.

But wearing a mask.

I need medication

Oh, yes. I am still alive.

But it's summer now, I've been moving around and also my router at home broke down so I am reduced to sneaky workstation surfing.

I have been thinking about writing for a while. I feel some sort of obligation to provide my handful of reading friends with info. But at the same time, I just had some sort of realisation of the annoying sides of blogging. Feeling the pressure to write. Meeting so many experiences with the attitude "I have to remember how to word this" or "cant I blog about this? Is it too boring an experience? Too personal?", etc. Some blogs I look over seem too ambitious, and some are to much of a showcase of personal exploits. I dunno.

But at the end of the day, I like to write and have a need to practice and vent. What the end result may be, we'll see.
-
Summer is rushing past. It's warm and beautiful and I feel (as usual) that I am not managing to enjoy it as much as possible. I am not optimised.
My two weeks of vacation ended three days ago. During that fortnight I travelled 3600km, saw lots of bands, elks, friends, an completely failed to relax. I would've liked the opportunity to get bored, understimulated, etc.

I went to the musicfestival in Arvika, where I saw The Knife, Tiger Lou, Kaizers Orchestra, Midaircondo, Sophie Rimheden, Teddybears Sthlm, Firefox AK, Suburban Kids..., Thåström, Franz Ferdinand, a bunch of Synth that I didnt really get and probably a few guys I forgot to mention.
Tiger Lou and the Knife ruled. Midaircondo was epic. Kaizers were great. The rest - eeh.

Back in _Norrland I went for a biketrip with some friends. We did an all day tour of the High Coast Albion of Nordingrå. Great company, great food, and a phenomenal feeling of endorfin-fuelled happiness. Shame it didn't last longer.

Now that I am back I am overcome with a dull stress and a restless loneliness. I have that old familiar feeling of being pushed ahead through time, as though tied to the front of a runaway train. It is a complete loss of control over my own destiny, and usually results in desperate measures such as sleeping in even though I don't enjoy it, drinking, loss of apetite; basically no energy.

Yesterday I went around town and to a movie with AZ. We saw "Le temps qui reste" which was beautiful and sad and didn't have a message. That is a good thing about a movie, in case you wondered. No messages. No morals. No Hollywood.


I'll be back in a while with more about nothing. Now I will go home. And then to the Girl to watch a movie.

I hope you are ok.

Maybe?

Firefox AK (se) >>
Franz Ferdinand (uk) >>
Hello Saferide (se) >>
Jenny Wilson (se) >>
Juno Reactor (uk) >>
Kaizers Orchestra (no) >>
Laleh (se) >>
Midaircondo (se) >>
Sophie Rimheden (se) >>
Teddybears STHLM (se) >>
The Knife (se) >>
Tiger Lou (se) >>

Who writes these days?

Weather's to great to do anything work-related. But I have to. At least the weekend was as lazy as summer should be.

I brought my juggling balls to work, thinking they would offer a mental break now and then.

Regina sings:
"he was perfect except for the fact that he was an engineer "
Now to this first long day of this last long week before I _______ break ______free

This is Radio Freedom

Take me to the worst party in town
Put your finger in my martini

-
Start your iTunes. Click on Radio. Click on "Eclectic" and find PigRadio. I did.

Standing in the shadows at the end of my bed

In a clear and intense dream last night my cold was diagnosed as a terminal illness. Without any newfound wisdom or clarity, I began living out the last days of my life feeling empty and finally proven right in my prophecies that I could not possibly deserve all this. I remember wearing a bath robe, drinking wine out of a duralex glass.

Go go go kart

There I go, in the lead


And here I come, placing first

And there I stand, tall and proud

Listen closely

..to todays songs, (just click on the "1. Little boxes" and the music player will start..)

Sketches for my sweetheart the football fan

Hi baby
I went to the park this evening. Sitting in a chilly office all day looking out at a perfectly blue sky has made me envy the unemployed, and I felt that I should try to profit from some of the sun instead of just whining about it. So I took my bike and my book and my backpack to the city park, and I found a spot that would offer anther hour or two of waning sunlight. These are the kind of summer days when even these dying rays are warm enough to feed your skin with energy and warmth.
As usual I was alone. This was one of the things I thought about. I am not a very lonely person, and I certainly have no problem socialising or meeting people. To my own surprise, a fantastic group of the worlds most beautiful people gathered in my back yard last saturday for my moving in-party
((I use parenthesis the way you teach me) and there and then I thought of the TAW song where he sings "It's summer here, with the worlds most beautiful people", a very true summer feeling I recognise(and thinking of Tomas of course made me think of you))
and this alone could stand as some sort of proof that I have no real trouble making friends. But somehow, and this is what I thought of tonight, as I have many times, somehow I still manage to spend most of my time alone. Days and nights go by, and I can hear of others in short glimpses of another kind of life, where there's always a group of people going out for beer, having a barbecue, playing freesbee. I have seen people from around me mix while I stand here on the sideline, waiting and watching.
And I really don't want to make out as if I'm complaning, but I really wonder what it is that I'm not doing, or doing wrong. This is one of those things that make me claim that I have my fair share of social handicaps. There are these things about group socialising that I just don't get. These instinctive flock behaviours that everybody seem to go through with the ease of a water slide, I feel like the only penguin left on the ice. When did everybody else slide in?
Because that's the thing. I have no special preference for this solitude. Sure, I like a fair amount of time on my own, and I have quite a few hobbies to keep me busy, but a lot of times I wouldn't mind going to the park for kubb or whatever.
And let me also add that, sure, maybe I can be little stand-offish. And lazy. So, it's not as if nobody invites me anywhere. That's not it. It's the nuance of never have been apart of a group, never having flown with a flock.
Just a long, brooding thought. Thinking it took a lot shorter than writing it down.
-
And then I thought a longer thought. And this thought was, as I was looking around at all these groups and couples, summer dressed and happy, and having assessed myself as being the only loner
(and again, I don't want to complain, all I wanted to do was to soak up some sun and read my great book)
, this next thought I thought was of you. I thought of what I might want more, and I looked at the couple on the next blanket and I really really wanted you, just you, to be there. You wouldn't have to say anything or do anything, I would just have loved to lie with you inches away on a blanket, reading.
This was a long and floating thought.
I thought it as I was sitting, stealing glances at the happy couple next to me
(it seems these days, just about any girl I see, all she does is remind me of you).
I thought it as I lay on my back, thinking how the little stringy clouds high above looked the same as still photographs of thin powdered snow being blown into snaky patterns on the asphalt behind timber trucks.
I thought of it as I wondered where I would take you if we got up north this summer.
I thought of it as I fiddled with my remaining dreadlocks
(I haven't told you yet, but I finally cut them. Now, there's only a tuft of them left, hare-krishna style, on my head).
I thought of you, and then I thought I'd write this open letter to you.
Hope you read it
Hope you like it

There were three police cars and a fire engine as well

Yo skids

Last night I went out walking at 3 am. I thought I might get some interesting photos of Uppsala. And maybe I did or maybe I didn't, but I did have some strange experiences. Two meetings of an older generations quite polarised views of ME, or rather of the Youth.
The first was while I was taking some photos of grafitti paintings in an underpass. A couple around 45-50, slightly drunk, happened by. The man, who did most of the communicating asked what I was doing and if he also could be in the "film". I said they were only stills, but to humor him I took his picture. As they parted, jovially staggering supported by each other, he made affirmations as to the necessety to Live for Art.
At the end of my walkabout I had to cross the train tracks at the station house to get home. As I walked along the platform, a bell started chiming and a flashing light told me to "stop". So I did. And as I had my camera with me and nothing better to do while I waited, I set the tripod up and looked around for the train to come. A man from across the tracks adressed me. I don't remember his exact frasings, but he kept asking what I was doing and what I would take a picture of. Confused I tried to keep a ready out for the train while saying that it was the oncoming train I was photographing. He seemed agitated and angry and finally his line of questioning revealed why. "It's because it's painted isn't it?" he said. "Why else would someone be out at this time". I was shocked and delighted to have been mistaken for a delinquent, and felt a surge of adrenalin. I argued with him for a while, saying he was a very prejudiced man, and that had he looked around at the glowing pink morining sky he would understand that there are many reasons to take a camera out at 3:30 in the morning. He, meanwhile, didn't relent, didn't listen. Finally, realising he could do nothing about the situation, neither the real one nor his imagined one, the bitter conductor growled "Well, now I know what you look like". I congratulated him as he was walking away and the train entered the station. I didn't get any good shots, but I am thinking of documenting train grafitti and tags as a photo project.

Gnight

Part II - In which a world record is broken

So, since I promised I better get on with my story of how I spent my time on Ireland.
The Girl met me at the bus stop. It was surreal. It was like coming home and still feeling like a stranger in a strange land. Again with her, I was filled with the sensation of being out of place, undeserving, like I was mistaken for someone else and let into a fancy party.
Walking home to her place, we just talked and kissed. I don't remember this time in any great detail, still upset and focused on my material losses and the precarious situation it had caused me. Dropping off my stuff was the plan, but we fell into each other and rested at her place for a while. I have to add that it was quite a dump. Sorry baby, but I think you felt so too.
Then we strolled over to Baby's sister to watch Lost and pick up an extra pillow and a cdplayer. As I look back, writing this, that looks good, the bare essentials. Two lovers, a pillow and a cdplayer. And from the memories, more than any street or café in Galway, those things seem to have taken a big place.
Sister was nice, she didn't grill me, she didn't give me the evil eye, the crook eye or even the stink eye. I was somehow expecting her to be very protective. Why? I don't know. Because of how precious I feel the Girl is perhaps. We spent an hour or so with her and her flatmates, watching Lost as I said, and they were nice as well.
The first few days went as follows. Kissing a lot, hugging a lot, walking a lot, sleeping some, buying stuff i needed, going to cafés. Wednesday night, we arranged so that I and Sister was to cook, as The Girl was at work (café, part time) and we whipped up quite a nice dinner. An eclectic mix of simple and yet exquisite foods such as blue cheese gratinated tomatoes, bruschetta, grilled vegetables, wine... I felt we did a good job, and got a chance to get to know each other a bit. Which also went well.
Thursday, we had made plans to rome a bit, so we hired a car and took it for a few miles around some really strange places before finding the routes we were looking for and finally the Letterfrack Old Monastery hostel. It was like a little adventure, driving around the islands west of Galway, ending up at a cul-de-sac called Lettermullen which at least had a small store which supplied us with cookies, bananas, apples and informed us of our actual lokation which was a hop, skip and a jump from where we thought we were. Backtracking, we took some precautions to ask for the way when in doubt.
Coming up toward the Connemara, it finally felt like we were moving somewhere. Mountains rose out of the mist, and the road signs were back to English, having been all in Irish during our stumble in the western county Galway. Slaloming through, we stopped a few times just to get a look and take some air in. At some point, the stunning Kylemore Abbey came out of the trees across a small lake, like a Disneyland Castle but better.
This was my second trip to the Old Monastery, and I loved it again. Such a nice hostel, with a feeling that is for me unique. I promised yet again to return and spend more time. During thursday afternoon we managed to go for a naturewalk in the connemara national park, eat a tiny serving of veggie spring rolls, drive what I think was called the Connemara ring, and last but not least, sneak into the grounds of the aforementioned Abbey where we met some spooky girls who spoke with a german accent, smoked and rode skateboards. Ghosts, most likely, because who ever heard of an all-girl boarding school run by nuns in this day and age. "There used to be a school there but something terrible happened.. " and so forth.
We spent only one night there. I felt we could have spent forever. This is now 4 nights together and I was still feeling like it was all amazing. So much for worrying about annoying each other after a while.
Instead we raced back in the morning, afraid to be late with the rental car. Of course we were hours ahead of time. Friday night I was beginning to feel the beginning of the end. I knew, The Girl would be working saturday, and so, time was suddenly not on our side but against us.
Saturday, I went with Sister and her friends to Lahinch to attend a Guinness world record attempt at getting the most surfers on a single wave. Although the weather was really the worst, that is calm, cold and completely still. Finally the tide brought in some surfable waves and, i have learned in retrospect, they actually did beat the record. Something like 46 surfers on one single wave. It left me relatively untouched, but I did appreciate the band that was playing before the attempt AND the pie I had for lunch.
As the afternoon progressed I kept looking at my watch. I didn't want to get back late to Galway. I really didn't want to miss a moment with The Girl. Fortunately we got back before she got off work.
Then I spent the last night in Galway.
Then I went home.
The End.