Killer Songs

The mud

been having a few really bad days. tired and flushed. maybe a little feverish. i can't put my finger on it, which is how it usually is, I guess. i fear that maybe it's part stress related. could it be? sure it could. but this is not close to one of my more stressful periods, so im half thinking and half hoping its just a bug. some virus bringing me down, messing with my mind.
today, the Girl stopped by. i leaned in close to feel her breath on my face as she spoke. she made me feel a lot better while she was here.
now I've watched casino royale, and was it good? well, it was bond thats for sure. they seem to have settled on a recipe that works. the initial chase scene was well choreographed, stunning stunt work. the babes were babes, but less exposure than lately? and naturally couldn't be trusted. it's no fun being bond, whether he likes it or not, it's short term relationships for life.
i hope to get out of this muddy sink hole i am in right now. i always think back to the analysis we made while reading the remake och robinson crusoe by whatshisname, some french guy, in french class. robinson had a period when all he did was sit in a hole of mud, trying to not think, just drifting away slowly from life. finally he took a hold of himself and got out though. maybe I will too.
my back hurts lika a b'tch also, cuz I havent been making it to the gym for a few weeks. it just piles up and makes me want to explode it.

that same old burroghs line is ringing in my head, and im not sure he didn't borrow it from hemingway:

"it came in a puff
the wind that makes the candle flicker
a sudden evil-smelling emptyness"

on that note, let's all have a care-free weekend.

Silence is easy

I felt the urge to tip you off on some other nice guitarpeople I've had earsex with recently:

Turin Brakes, their album Ethersong (from back in the day) is weeely nice, as is the Starsailor album Silence is easy. I think they're both british groups, and kind of similar (I suspect some form of link between them..). Like Coldplay but not.. you know, worn out and really really boring. Really good songwriting anyway.
Check out:

www.turinbrakes.com

www.starsailor.net

I've been trying to get into Death Cab for Cutie last week, but.. frankly I find them really really boring. I don't get what all the fuzz was about. Whenever it was that everybody were fussing over them.

Along with aformentioned Jeff Harms a friend of mine burned me some M Ward. Since the songs didn't have any info, it took a while to extract enough evidence from them to be able to decide which songs were made by which artist. But now, as I am getting there, I have to say that M Ward also seems to quite the capable captain. Check out his Myspace here, or his website here.

Now I feel like I am inefficient enough to maybe go home... or something. Later this evening I am shooting some people at Norrlands. Yeah, with a camera that is.
Peace

What I meant to write yesterday

Your wealth made from rags, from nothing into something grand
You promise them they'll live in castles wooing men from far off lands
They raise you up like a God unto your tiny little stand
Until their faith once like a rock is ground up turning into sand
They scour the earth for the things they saw in your tiny little hands
You see they're old enough to dream but just to young to understand
Gabriella, was this all part of your plan?

-That Jeff guy

All the strength was going out of him in waves of seering pain

The past couple of weeks my stress levels have been gradually rising. Almost unnoticed, and certainly not counteracted, they have now reached annoying intensity. It's that really sh*tty kind of stress where I feel bad because I'm not doing enough to push work forward. I have some good ideas, sure, some leads and some interesting investigations ahead of me. Yet the days ease by me like a fat dirty river, leaving me feeling behind, lost and sick. And I see my collegues, as well as friends and people unknown to me in respects other than visual, gladly jump in and swim with the current.
I need someone to cut me a path.
And of course at this time when I'd rather take some extra time and energy and invest it in my work situation, my extra-curricular obligations conicide by being beautifully intensified. Tomorrow we have an (emergency?) meeting with the photo club, hopefully electing a new president since our current one has defected. Friend opening a club on friday, and I should be there (hey, I even want to) followed by a saturday that is completely booked by my duties as photographer for Norrlands Nation. Since it's an all-night event I probably will be hungover and certainly tired on sunday, i.e. not really in a working mode or mood. Which means I'll end up pushing things onward to next week hoping they'll resolve, time will be plentyful, my actions will yield immediate results and kings will come and bow before me.
Or so we hope.
Nuff said.
M'out

-*-

I kept trying to climb higher
But I ended up at the bottom of an abyss

Saturnus

Uppsala is cold, and I feel cold and isolated.

As days and nights pass like subway stations

A quote from William Burroughs, the great wordsmith of narcotic america

It slays me every time

Don't ANSWER the questions. Finish the sentence, as if you wrote them yourself.

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss... tasted of sweet mint gum.

2. I am listening to... Regina Spektor, ode to divorce.

3. I talk... sparsely, when people are listening, or stupidly when I am nervous.

4. I love... the Girl, music, intense experiences of beauty and truth, and yes, my family

5. My best friend(s)... are slipping further and further away though I still cherish them.

6. My first real kiss... was fumbly and awkward and with someone i still love.

8. I hate it when people ask... "What do you do?" followed by "what does that mean?".

9. Love is... untangible, dangerous, explosive, lethal, red.

10. Marriage is... a promise one should intend to keep.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking... about me.

12. I'll always... have my ups and downs, and my sweet tooth.

13. I have a secret crush... that would cease to be secret if I published it online.

14. The last time I cried was because... something was going wrong for the Hobbits.

15. My cell phone is... my watch, and my most frequently used means of communication.

16. When I wake up in the morning... I want to stay in bed, and much to often I do.

17. Before I go to bed... I try to remember to do some twisting exercises for my back, which often is accompanied by an episode of Simpsons/Futurama/Arrested Development or other series.

18. Right now I am thinking about... my constant inefficiency and ineptitude, lazyness and lack of ambitions.

19. Babies are... fragile little pink poopmachines that are sent to take over the world.

20. I get on myspace... hoping to someday understand what the point is with myspace (I still don't, it sucks mildly)

21. Today I... should work a little more before I escape and crawl into my girlfriends sheltering arms.

22. Tonight I will... make out, hopefully. Or finish Harry Potter.

23. Tomorrow I will be... one day closer to a new apartment.

24. I really want to be... rich. Filthy rich. I'd still study, mind you.

25. I really want... an avengful vegetarian God to start intervening and set up a reign of peace, love and socialism.

Sad is beauty is sad

Decemberists again

Forget you once had sweethearts
They've forgotten you
Think you not on parents
They've forgotten too

Go to sleep now, little ugly
Go to sleep now, you little fool
Forty winking in the belfry
You'll not feel the drowning

Lines from the past

Listening to a grey album from way down in the collection

baker baker
baking a cake
make me a day
make me whole again
and i wonder
if he's ok
if you see him
say hi
---
greeting the monster in our easter dresses
father says bow your head like the good book says
well i think the good book is missing some pages
---
getting off getting off
while they're all downstairs
singing prayers
sing away
he's in my pumpkin p.j.'s
lay your book
on my chest
feel the word
feel it

And for every and all fans of Tori Amos, I warmly and strongly recommend www.hereinmyhead.com

Apparently I am a Fat Cat

From last nights Swedish Grammies:

Årets Artist [Artist of the Year]
The Knife

Årets Album [Album of the Year]
The Knife: "Silent shout", Rabid

Årets Popgrupp [Pop Group of the Year]
The Knife: "Silent shout", Rabid

Årets Producent [Producer otY]
Karin Drejer Andersson/Olof Drejer: "Silent shout", Rabid

Årets Kompositör [Composer otY]
Karin Drejer Andersson/Olof Drejer: "Silent shout", Rabid

Årets Musik-dvd [Music DVD otY]
The Knife: "Silent shout - an audio visual experience", Rabid

Other nice winners were Anna Ternheim (although I haven't heard her last album) and Veronica Maggio (best newcomer).

With all the grain of babylon

Well, so whats new.
Well, the The Decemberists new album "The Crane Wife" is awesome. More all over the place than the last one, but still wow. Colins voice is like a knife to your throat. Or a hand on your thigh. Listen here.

And the war came with all the poise of a cannonball

The Knife album "Silent Shout", which I only recently procured, is also omnificent. Or some word that really exists. It's dark, electric, scary, and beautiful.

Sharpen my body like a pen

Food

Take:

100g almonds, chopp'em
handful of raisins
two cloves of garlic, chopped finely
some onios, shalott, chopped finely

Let it all fry in plenty of olive oil with some chili powder, salt and black pepper. Add half a table spoon of honey and some soy sauce. Then add

200g Quorn

and let it all fry at moderate heat for 5-10 min. Now prepare:

Some fresh spinach,
Two chopped peppers
200-400g of semoule grains (called couscous in sweden, cooking instrucions on package)

And finally mix it all together into a nice salady thing. That's what I'm having for lunch today.

Stuff

And on yet a.nother note

fun cool stuff for music lovers with kids?

NEW SHOOT OUT SURPRISES FEW

The day is getting better with each step
I know now that the darkness outside is filled with tiny insects
But stepping out scares them and they gather together in a ball in the sky
Some call it the moon

And while the seagulls are crying
We fall but our souls are flying

The fighter jets scream as they pass
Where can we go
Where can we hide
In fact, where are we actually
Is this my country or yours
Or theirs

The gun felt clumsy in his hands
Alien
Malignant
/
The gun felt heavy in his hands
he knows he couldn't lift it
all the strength was going out of him in waves of searing pain

My lips are numb for the most part
but the touch of whisky still reaches me
behind all this protection
below all this rubble

And the whisky was flowing
Like never before
As folks just shake their heads
And pour

..and on a.nother note new photos have been added to :a£@$∞∞÷o foto:

I don't know who

"I´ll never be what you want me to be
but it´s alright
I´m gonna make you love me
I´m gonna dry all your tears
and we´re gonna stay together for a million years"

"Draw back the curtains and smile.. everythings..

...wow".
I'm out
on the other side. Outside there is a glistening coat of blue and gold on the world. Little white particles are whirling around, twinkling in the sunlight.
Work is fine.
I'm still a bit worried about the photo shoot on tuesday, but it'll be.. ok. It'll just have to be. If not, I think I will quit. Move on to my own stuff that doesn't need approval of anyone else.
Well, no time for shit chat, betta go down the lab and shoot some lasers.
Hasta pronto chiquitas

Sunday, moody sunday

"sitting in my glasshouse
while your ghost is sleeping down the hall
watching the little birds fly
kamikaze missions into the walls
think i'm gonna stay in today
sit on my couch and watch them fall"

Today I'm taking a day off. Well, I know it's sunday, but it's a different kind of day off. A strong feeling of being lost inside me has been turning the whole weekend sour, and now I'm just gonna let it come and do whatever. Stay in my room, watch cartoons and see if the darkness can really take me.
No, I dont know, it's far from that dramatic. I just dont feel like meeting or talking to anyone today. Don't need to have to put up a smile or a joke. At least thats how Im feeling right now. Like the glass house ani's talking about. Like there's half an inch, cool transparent barrier between me and whatever else there is.

And why ,dear blogger.com, are my sidebars at the bottom of the page today?

Little did he know..

The four worst words in the English language: We need to talk.
-
I am having one of those painful saturdays, when I'm just shuffling around. Not able to commit to anything in particular, I feel a slight stress for the time that is passing by without me taking any care of it. Should I cook something, eat something, do something? I don't know. I try to read but there is no serenety. I got a little distressed this morning when I started thinking about how I am involved in several things that I really feel end up more as a burden than as a joy or something fun.
My mind works like this in a not so funny way. I can easily get stuck in negative loops. None of the thoughts I am having now are different from this morning, I rather haven't been able to move on. And on top of it, I feel like something got unhinged with my Girl this morning because of my mood. I hope not.

Well, I'll try to perk up. Tonight we'll be having pie and salad for dinner. Probably feta-cheese and peppers for one pie, and another with a sort of tex-mex style. Maybe we'll bake bread. Watch a movie. Go to sleep.
-
Last night we went to see Stranger than fiction. It was a sweet little movie, made so much better by the actors (Ferrell, Gyllenhaal, Hoffman and Thompson). Warmly recommended.

Rogue spear

Learning

Work is becoming more stimulating lately. I sort of made that little extra effort that was needed to push things forward and now some balls are rolling, so to speak. Examples: today I spent a while learning the basics and I now have access to a Scanning Electron Microscope, which will allow me to look at really tiny things and make big conclusions (hopefully). Its really cool, anyway, when your looking at things that are smaller than a tenth of the thickness of a human hair.
And then tomorrow I will be re-aquainted, quite happily, with some organic chemistry. It's time to learn about sol-gel extraction by simple solvent reactions. Basically I will be looking at my material to see how much of it has reacted and connected to form a polymer network, and how much hasnt.

Now it's up up and away from work (as I am not working so hard it seems) and onto some workout (ooh! Core!) and then an evening of Man Things (drinking beer and being generally pessimistic, pissed off and retarded) with K.
Much luv n things

"J'ai un passé
Mais je m'en sers pas"

I have lost my voice

the one I use to write anyway. So instead, here's what Uppsala looked like tonight, to me:

Short

I had a small ambition that I's start writing more in 2007. It still remains to be seen.

Another thought I had was that it would be fun to start a cooperative blog. As in, together with someone else, and preferably with some form of subject at hand. I have no real idea on what we should write or with who. I am open for suggestions. My primary inspirations in this issue I guess would be that one of my friends writes for bloggywood.se, and other, more embarrasing co-blogs.

Now, I am finally done with a few hours of transmission measurements on zinc oxide contact layers (what you will find on many flat screens for example) and am ready to go home.

If I stopped lying I'd just disappoint you

Regarding the previous whining post and it's comment, I just thought I should underline and develop.
I've gotten a lot of positive responses, compliments and support since the introduction of my web page. In fact, those responses far outnumber any negative responses. And I am very glad for it. I wasn't really whining, actually, it was more like a reaction at the fact that the first response, that is the quickest, was a negative one. Also, it did shake me up a little at first, but since I didn't even know the guy it evaporated rapidly. The point I wanted to make with my original post was that I believe that in the internet communication channel is much easier for people to be rude to strangers, even if they would never do such a thing in real life.

And since I'm here: Thanks everybody for your very flattering comments and messages regarding my photos. Luv ya

Now I gotta works

Can you guess who?

So unimpressed but so in awe
Such a saint but such a whore
So self aware so full of shit
So indecisive so adamant

I'm contemplating thinking about thinking
It's overrated just get another drink and
Watch me come undone

They're selling razor blades and mirrors in the street
I pray that when I'm coming down you'll be asleep
If I ever hurt you your revenge will be so sweet
Because I'm scum, and I'm your son,
I come undone

The glory of feedback and the unkindness of strangers

So, on "launching"/announcing my new website I sent an email to a bunch of people, including to the mailinglist ("fotonorr") of my photo club. Seeing as the main content of my site was photographs, I thought that would be quite alright. Since I am a bit of a joker, I tweaked the actual content of the message to appear as one of many spam/bullshit emails. Just for kicks (you can read the content of the message :below:), you know.
Well, having done this turned out to star a chain reaction which resulted in my very first feedback to look like this:

Re: [fotonorr] What you need to know
From: Jesper Lundgren (email adress omitted)
Date: Saturday, 6 January, 2007 10:19:46 PM
To: Per -Oskar Westin [peroskarwestin@yahoo.co.uk]

IDIOT

I always considered that one of the objectives of art was to provoke and stir up feelings, but I hadn't realised that I would acquire that target so fast... No, but seriously, I was actually surprised to see that someone was so offended by the email (i doubt his comment was regarding my site content) as to actually send such a response. And my second reaction was that it's kind of a shame that the ones that actually take the time to respond are the ones who dislike something.
But I guess, the fault is my own for trying to get reactions out of people. So here's to you, anonymous jerk with no sense of humour or decency:
Thanks for noticing.

2006 was a lot of guitar, actually

It's high time to make a summary of 2006, musicwise. Usually, looking back at the new music and artists you've heard the last year makes you remember who was there, who passed you that cd or mp3, or what song was playing when you fooled around with that girl. To help me summarize, I have my :iTunes: playlist and my :Last.fm: statistics.

I might not be razor sharp in my assessment of chronology etc. I might even mistakenly include some music from 2005 (the memory is a funny thing, tends to mix things up and condense them together). And to be clear, I mean what I've been listening to. I don't really care when things were released.

iTunes most played (arbitrarily rearranged to suit my fancy)

:The Decemberists: - Picaresque
Is one of these records I'm really not that sure is from 2005 or 2006. But clearly I've been listening to it alot, and it stands out thanks to the characteristic voice of the singer, and the slightly slavic influences in the music.

:Kings of Convenience:

Not a new finding, but an ever present favourite.

:Tears for Fears:

It came as a total surprise when I saw them as a few of the most played songs. But then I remembered a few cds I got a hold of late last year, old TFF greats, which will explain it.

I had to scroll down a little and interpolate to get to the ones that feel new.

:Damien Rice: - 9

Damien released his second album this fall, and it soared into my top most played, effortlessly as a helium-filled baloon. Damiens album is quite raw, technically, with simple recordings and arrangements that allow his beautiful and emotional voice carry the sparse poetry of his lyrics into your head.

:Lilium: - Transmissions of all the good byes

This is really one of the pow! records of the year. Two guys from the group :16 horsepower: wrote some music and gathered with them a few eclectic musicians and singers to fuse a timeless masterpiece. Get it. Now.

:Psapp: - Tiger, my friend

Light, airy music, that I would liken to triphop, but lets not argue about that. It's eclectic. It's groovy as a hammock. And the sound is unique.

Of course :Regina Spektor: - Begin to hope

Regina takes her singing to a higher level. No, a higher plane of existance. It's gorgeous, all mixed up, and impossible not to love.

and finally :The White Birch: - Star is just a sun
which I ordered by recommendation (the recommendation was years ago..) of a friend. At first I didn't like i. Too whimpy voice. To slow and unimpressive. But then the music grew, like a slow sunrise, and settled at that point just before the first slice of solar disc peeks above the horizon. It is serene, calm, both ominous and hopeful, and hopelessly beautiful.

---

So, then I flipped to last.fm and the truth broadens. Because in the top five, along with the artists I've been listening to for years, is an englishman that I never took notice of until my girlfriend sneakily introduced him to me this year. At first I wasn't that impressed, but when I borrowed

:David Gray: - Lost songs

It just grew and grew. And now I love him, and am not surprised at the 260 plays registered at last.fm, since I know I mosly listened to him on my portable player ther real number will be a lot larger. Good lyrics. Guitar singer/songwriting with some good studio work as well. I listened to several of his albums this year but Lost songs is the most outstanding in my memory.

:Thom Yorke: - The Eraser

Long awaited debut album. Reverberating. Breathtaking. Just right.

:Midaircondo: - Shopping for images

I had the fortune to see Midaircondo while attending the Stockholm jazz celebration in march, and was stunned. Three ridiculously beautiful girls, with a laptop each, some samplers and some instruments rocked the entire house. To me, this was something so rare as something truly new, unheard of before. It was technically impressing, musically inspired, and above all (always above all) it was beautiful. Live improvisation and musical cooperation as I had never seen it, made the show totally spellbinding. I bought the cd that night (which of course can never convey the same experience as the live one, but still is good) and also had the fortune of catching them again at the Arvika Festival last summer.

Mixed in with all of this, it was the old favourites - Tom Waits, Ani Difranco, Tori Amos, Foo Fighter, Diane Cluck, Company Flow, Deltron 3030, Tiger Lou and Radiohead - that made my musical 2006.

BFF

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