Movie banter

Movie comments.. I get this, I guess you could call it inspiration, when I see soulys blogg. She has the energy to include content now and then and not just blurt out whatever reflections may be the day's. So I want to be that way. I'll try by commenting some films I've seen recently

The best recent film experience must be the formidable "Me and you and everyone we know", if not for it's fantastic title, then for the sheer beauty, the quiet smiles, the lovely story, the actors and the slow humour. I recommend it warmly to all those who are tired of being able to predict every scene, movment and comment of a standard hollywood feature.

An unsurprisingly disappointing film was the warrior film "Jarhead" with it's slightly critical rendering of a Desert Storm survivors confused and un-warlike stay in Iraq. Directed by Sam Mendez, I had expected a better choice of story, and some more depth. But there wasn't a whole lot. Soo in the end, i guess it was entertaining enough, but mostly for some good actors and a few jokes. And, I guess this is were movie-going becomes really a subjective experience, the best part for me was definetely when Tom Waits whisky voice began to whisper "This Box.."

then, on saturday night I was stranded in my apartment with nothing but the TV and my demons to keep me company. Needless to say, I locked my demons in the closet and sat in the living room with the volume up on the tv-set, watching. I ended up watching "Bringing out the Dead" by (I was surprised to read before the film, and still surprised after...) Martin Scorsese. It was the story of a burnout ambulance driver during a few nights in NYC. It was, kinda funny, kinda interesting in a filmmaker type of way, good actors again (Nicolas Cage, Pat Arquette) but there just was no point and no heart. Didn't like it. Wouldn't see it again, which is generally how I rate films in my head. Good films are films you want to see again. Again I was surprised that good directors choose stories that I dont like...

And to end, I want to tie a comment back to the experience of watching "Jarhead". I realised, as I neared the end, that the way movies move me is nowhere near how intensely I experience music. Which is to say that I can easily like or love a movie based on it's music and the way the music is woven into, or set as backdrop to, the story. One example is just "Jarhead" with the one-dur-ful Tom Waits song coming in at just the right moment. To me it was more like that the movie screen gave me an excuse to completely let the song envelop me. Another example is the Spanish film "Piedras", a semi-good drama about couples and love and loss, but which just got a big place in my heart due to a very good soundtrack and the sledgehammer beauty of an Ani Difranco song at just the right moment. Finally there are examples like "My life without me", "A la verticale de l'été" and "Kissing Jessica Stein" whos soundtracks are what brings them from good to Wonderful films.

--In the spirit of the visual media junkie I am.. some Zapp Brannigan memorables...

"If we can hit that bull's-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards...Checkmate."
"We don't know anything about their race, history, or culture, but one thing's for sure. They stand for everything we stand against."
"if I said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a bit?"

Drömsjuan

This man is my copilot, along with Lrrr, Bender, Stewie, Brian and The Evil Monkey that Lives in Chris' Closet.

Paid to kiss your feet

Pay attention. You will get no second chance.

Friday afternoon. I wish I was a kelloggs cornflake, and I am sooo tired, just fantasising about my bed and sleep, and warmth. But outside, where I have to go now, it's cold and dark, and probably wet and windy as well. And then, of course, it iis friday night and I haave said that I would go out. Which I will, and probably have a good time also, but right now, man, I just want to stand for an hour under a shower, feeling the power of warmth and not the warmth of whisky sours.
Pfff.

oh, folks, but hey what the hell. ignore my complaining please. i am just a fool in love. just a tired little fool, too happy to even be blasé. usually i've always been that kind of dry sarcastic fellow that could bring about laughter by observing some obvious irony. these days, guys, i actually bubble and smile and make people feel good around me. is this something lasting? i really don't know. as far as i have experienced life so far, nothing lasts, not depression, not summer, not love, not christmas, so why should happiness be any different. it will metamorphose, melt, evaporate, sublimate, condense, agglomerate, and then run siropy down the walls of my container.
-
oh, and kick out the jams, m*therf*uckers
-Let's here it from David Gray:

This years love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And i've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do

It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown

Feeling like you can't go on
Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure

Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before i open up my arms and fall
Losing all control

Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet

Singing ain't this life so sweet
This years love had better last
This years love had better last
So whose to worry

If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me

On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet
This years love had better last

This years love had better last
This years love had better last
This years love had better last

Spot me like paparazzi

click here

My fifteen nanoseconds of fame

If you're interested in seing a documentary/science program about what I and we do at the Ångström laboratory (and if you don't have a problem with swedish...), I just found out that the program made by UR (public service TV, educational branch) is available online...

chech out:

http://dmb.ur.se/mb/main?uri=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ur.se%2Fmb%2F13f991107d70ff099&static=false&cmd=viewdetails

or watch it on the Kunskapskanalen in june/july...

Word. M'out.

Even though I don't eat pork

I know I never really do this, but I just got a few bugs up my shorts on some current affairs.
Firstly Mohammed, Mahmoud (praise be to his name however he spells it). I mean, come on. I get somehow that it can be upsetting for very religious muslims that the forbidden act of portraying M (praise be to the profet), but what I cannot really accept about the debate around this is the following: No one has pointed out that this act is forbidden by Islam.. that is to say; aren't we, the occidentals of the world, breaking an awful lot of OTHER RULES by the muslim faith? Say eating pigs, killing people, worshiping jesus etc.. Maybe there is some fineprint in this that I havent gotten the hang of, but it seems to clash in my head. I know some of my friends are more invested in Islam than I so perhaps a comment?

And right now, I can't think of what other thing I had on my mind. We'll see it it resurfaces.
--

"My new assistant is.. working out, yes"

--

A storm in a milk glass

Great night tonight. Good food, got some work out of the way. And the the Greatness was that my sweetheart came over with a make-out-o-gramme with my name on it. Of course she couldn't stay, the poor thing gets up something like 5:45 or other ridiculous hour, but it was reeaally nice to see her, a whole week and then some having passed since the last time. Oh, man. She so amazonic. I got all that palpitation and arrythmia. Muscles tense for no reason. Breathing irregular. Some sort of fragmentary speech with flatmate after she left. Sitting down only to get back up, pacing the apartment with a smile. The memory of her, that wonderful fantasy, is nowhere near as intense as her. A drop of fragility in the cup-o-love, and all the sweeter the taste. If it's from a crystal glas, whine tastes so much better. What? No, that's not it. I mean, once you truly appreciate the fleeting quality of something so great as this, all the more powerful the moment will hold you in a breathless .. weightless .. fall.

Well, good night, as I'm hoping some of her smell rubbed off on my pillowcase.

With tongue and nails

"If you kiss somebody then both of you'll get practice"

but at the same time

"Is your place in heaven worth
giving up
theses kisses"

No news is g00d news

I'm thinking now how I write inversly proportionally to how I feel. So these rare and spartan posts are a good thing. It's always easier to whine than to make happy statements.

I had a good weekend. Friday there was the dissertation of a collegue followed by a hoe-down in her honor at the smålands nation (note: the nations are the student unions here i Uppsala..). A generally good night ending rather early. Some very impressive speeches and some nice people, most of whom I know already cuz I work with them every blessed day.

Then saturday came and I had to rush down town to remove a photo exhibit because the Norrlands Nation (see previous note) was using the localities for a disco and they didn't want to risk destroying our fabulous work.

Saturday night I went, like last saty, to my friend I's apartment and cooked along with him a nice little dinner for 10 nice little people. Subsequently I had a great night. Lot of talk about photo, music, politics, education, food and maybe something else not as fascinating. It was really excellent, since I tend to judge the quality of a night by the amount of intelligent conversation that I manage to extract. This night was a long line of good banter, also spanning an emotional range from humour to frustration.

I know. I can feel that this isn't really that interesting, but then again it can't always be.
-
I am in advent, even though it's febuary. My camera is letting me wait, apparently being delivered by horse carriage from the nikon factory in japan (?). This is one of the reasons I am sort of in a conservative state, my energy being rationed and stock-piled for that precious day when I get my hands on it's magnesium-alloyed shell. I have some Ideas for photo-projects. Possible names are "Climbing up walls" and "Stop that, my hands are dirty".
-
And my baby, my sweet One and Only has been gone half the weekend and sleeping/working the other half. So now I feel half. Thank Javeh there's such a thing as reveries and fantasies. -
Oh great. bedtime and I'm hungry again.
-
Have read this weekend the comic "David Boring" by the guy who made comic "Ghost World". Good. Very good. Worded with precision.
-
Now I may try to sleep and maybe try to read. I have to, simply have to, get back on that horse/bike that is reading. I used to (can't remeber when.. ) read constantly, every night before I went to bed and more than that. I could have several novels going at once without problem. But now I am usually struck with an annoying mix of fatigue and stress as I go to bed, thinking I'm to tired to read and besides, I better get to sleep if I'm gonna be able to get up in the morning. Time to take up that fight.
-
Regina Spektor went quickly from being illusively impressive to being solidly fantastic. I've listened to her album Soviet Kitsch 5-10 times this weekend. over and over. Back to back. Great songs are "Ode to divorce", "Ghost of Corporate Future", "Chemo Limo" and the previouisly mentioned "Your Honor". Will order her CD imminently.
-
CSN want their money back. Fcuk.
-
Now, bedtime passed, I bid you farewell.

I can afford chemo like I can afford a limo

Coming home, not too late, on a friday night
Everything is just perfect
Except for
The cold and empty place
In my bed
Where you're not
I can't wait
--
Hey soulfighter. I can take me-pictures as well!

"It's a good thing

that planet was there, or we never would've stopped!"

Song of the day

..is Your Honor by Regina Spektor!

"I'm a Pizzatarian..."

The girl I try to call my

I have a friend. He says he doesn't understand this woman.

There's not been one, in my life, in a relationship, that I've truly understood.

"I guess you can't really see the wind
It just comes in and fills the space
And everytime something moves
You think you have seen it's face"

When you're sick of fighting, is that when it is the most important to keep fighting.
When you give up, is that when the flag is raised on the other side, white and shiny.
If you know it was good, will it be good again.
How can you be sure.

"When I am like this
How can you be smiling
How can you be sure"

Or is all that is left momentum.
Momentum is just nothing, waiting for an impact.
The more it feels, the more it will hurt.
Who is more at fault, the car or the lightpost.
The driver or the deer.

"I'm a rabbit in your headlights
Scared of the spot light"

But what then.
Imagine a cold white light in a cold and dark tunnel. And then imagine what.
Imagine being dead from the waist down. Waving your arms at a sound you do not want to remember. But you remember. And what then.

There is no killer like doubt. Those great leaders, the succesful artist, the train bearing down on you. They win because they never questioned the reasons.

Do you hear that sound Mr.Anderson. That is the sound of inevitability.

And then imagine what.

You close your eyes, never to open them again.
Imagine a hand on your face. A dry warm hand. A confident hand.
And you let go. Your body. Live in your face, cradling in the palm of this hand. This hand you felt not enough times, not enough time. Never open your eyes and the hand never lets you fall off, but carries you off, up up up up up up.
For not the first time you kiss the hand.
And then imagine what.
A life

So where are we.
Standing up against something cold and hard, you could swear it was rock, but would you swear. Why is it easier to be sure of the impossible than the possible.
Why is she not impossible.
Why is she not impossible.
Why is she
________oh
__________so
____________possible

The Dalai Lama would be proud

If I haven't told you before, Life is a quest for the perfect set of gadgets, and I took a smooth step forward today, replacing my old broken mp3 player and my old broken head phones with a brand new mp3 player and a pair of brand new head phones...

I could go on to describe in detail why they are the right choice, but that might make me to much of a geek. Let it just be said that my life will improve now that I'll have a soundtrack again..

Oh, and I bought Hello Saferide, that's why she's there...

My head - the empty vase

It's saturday, and a beautiful, sunny day with an inch of fresh snow covering the landscape.
-

Zapp Brannigan

and pretty soon my camera should (effing better!) be delivered to the photo shop. bad news for my bank account. good news for my joyfulness, I will play with it intensly until I learn everything about it. then I will hit the streets, rooftops, bars, corners, livingrooms and parks, looking for beauty. or humour.

What's se fuckse sayin'?

I m, like yesterday, in the lab tonight. I have to start some new experiments tomorrow or on friday, and so I have to complete some test material. God, it's fun.

But seriously, it is getting pretty interesting, and I feel more andmore like there is a path somewhere under all this snow, and that I'll be able to follow it by doing some digging where I stand whenever I feel lost. Maybe soon I'll have some research results to post on this here blog. For all and everyone to behold and be amazed.

This man wants your money

Another wasted sunday?

-"Cold in here?"
-"Nope, just real small."

My eyes are sore for a sight

Looking back on what I write, I wish there could be more about The Girl. But I don't know what to write. It seems hard to capture. Hard to describe, because of how great she is, and because of how unpredictable things have been. Which also has made me real scared of making any statements about what really might be going on. Ask me in a week. Maybe, if things haven't changed, I'll be able to put it down in words.
A few things though.
- She's the most beautiful girl I've had my lips on.
- When she smiles it's there is a Dawn effect. First there's some light. Then a glimpse, then a cascade of golden light.
- She's got a mischevous smile.
- She's passionate about snowboarding.
- Everything she thinks she can't, she was born to do..

The story that began with a memory

Friday night turns out to be a lot calmer than I had worried it should be. My flatmate, sad sad story, got dumped by her friends so we're staying in, watching Almost Famous, drinking watered down drinks for our own amusement.
"Be bold and Great forces will come to your aid" - Goethe
-
And tonight I, to my great relief, called up the Girl in Fashion and told her what's what. Once again, honesty seems to work. She understood. And gave me the best wishes. I've never "chosen" between girls before. That is to say, I've never had more than one girl interested in me at one time.
On the other hand, all this seems like a simile that rings badly even in my own ears. I havent chosen a person. I have put my emotional money on my favourite. That's it. I'm gonna give her all I've got, and hope that that's enough. Enough for what? For time to stand still. For the sun to explode and bring summer in a gush of molten lava.
-
I see a brick wall coming. This is the bizzaro world. No paint this time, but I am hoping for that to be wrong. A paper divider, texture painted. When I see green fields now, I cringe, turn and walk a way. So here I am, running like a a madman. Toward a red brick wall.

Man in black

[01:15.68]You could have it all
[01:21.56]My empire of dirt
[01:27.10]I will let you down
[01:32.49]I will make you hurt

Morning Glory

"sooner or later I will stumble into her
and she will say yes
and yes
and yes and yes
and yes
and no"

So, thursday, the third day, morning. I am still at home, given a nice little break by the universe. See, I need to go to the bank today, but those lazy troglodytes don't open til 10am. Hence, I wait around for the bank to open.
Economy seems to be in a bad way these days. I'm real embarassed to admit it, but it turns out I haven't annulled my last electricity subscription. So the new tenants are currently enjoying their toast on my account (literally). But then again, this is sweden, so if I approach them I'm sure theyll be understanding and fork up the difference. We'll see. In any other case I may be forced to TP their house and stuff fecal matter through their mailbox.
-
Another account that needs to be annulled is that between me and a The Girl In Fashion. Not that a lot has transpired, so I guess there's no skin of any of our hides, but the interest seemed genuine. The jokes cordial. Expectations etcetera.
However, I have a lot bigger fish to fry. Something like 179cm of flower-scented fish to fry. And, despite what some would claim, it is not ok just because people live in different cities, states or countries. I am a one-girl-boy, and have always been.
-
Tomorrow is party here. My flatmate is a year older and so she has some friends over and I guess there will be drinking and going out and stuff like that.
Tonight is pubnight with some friends I haven't seen since before christmas. Even since long before christmas. Some localised social disturbances have extranged us from each other during some time... never mind.
--
Listening to Joanna newsom. Good sh*t.
--
If you wanna check out some other stuff that I do these days, I just took charge of the Norrlands Fotoförenings (my photo club) homepage, http://geocities.com/fotonorr
so take a look at it..

Maybe this year will be better than the last

Inspired by Soulfighter I shall give a try to concisively conclude the year of 2005. One thing seems painfully clear though.. The Fighter has had a lot more time and energy to spend on the cultural sides of life everyday. But still, I'll give it a try:

2005*

*top 10 CDs

Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
Frida Hyvönen - Until Death Comes
Decemberists - picaresque
Four Tet - Everything Ecstatic
Arab Strap - Live Request Show

Ani Difranco - Knuckle Down
Tori Amos - The Beekeeper
Foo Fighters - In your Honor
Tiger Lou - The Loyal
Rufus Wainwright - Want Two

*top 10 Live experiences

Tiger Lou - Katalin, Uppsala
Robyn - Hultsfred Festival
Tori Amos - Hultsfred Festival
Arab Strap - Nice'n'sleazy, Glasgow
James Orr Complex - Nice'n'sleazy, Glasgow

Tegan & Sara - Hultsfred Festival
Magic Numbers - Hultsfred Festival
Ane Brun & Wendy McNeill - Katalin, Uppsala
Johan Borgert & Holy Madre - Parksnäckan, Uppsala
Live cuban improvisations - A hole in the wall, Barcelona

*The Clothes

Black T-shirt and Jeans. Forest green Fleece.

*The Food

Hands down most eaten this year: Beans on toast. Good, nutritious and lots of possibility for variations according to mood

*The Book

All the books by Chuck Palahniuk that I read in the beginning of the year, still stand out

*the people

Newcomers, the lovely Nurse (I am a lucky, lucky boy to have met her), the Post-Doc, the Mother. A trio that, separately and in their very own ways, have made this year memorable. And of course all my old friends.

*the trip

Norway. Beautiful and free. Road trips are the very best (i know, gasoline, energy crises and what have you, but man! this is my one thing..)

*the drink

hmm.. this year, I dunno, nothing special .. oh but yes! of course! I've had my red wine renaissance this year... so that's it, Red Wine

Warm beer and cold women

Been home now for a few days. Since wednesday afternoon to be precise, and I've had my head in a daze ever since. And not in a good way for a good reason. No no. I've had fever-induced halucnations and pounding headaches, weak knees and runny nose, sore throat and red eyes. Punishment for my sins, you say? Nay, I refute that notion. I've been a good boy lately, apart from the drinking of course, but that's just what is expected from a new years week.

This weekend has, thus, been a week and bed-bound affair (still not in a good way for a good reason), where I've been mostly playing computer games and watching Seinfeld. This was a bit annoying for several reasons. One reason was that I had a date in sthlm yesterday that I had to cancel. Another that I had (vainly, I know) planned to spend some time this weekend on preparing for the workweek and workweeks ahead. Yet another that I need some time to ..deal with this woman in my life. Not knowing so far, exactly what or how to ..or anything.

Exceptions to this bedbinding was yesterday when F was in Uppsala and I went in to town to meet him for a fika, a whisky and another fika. nice chap. we spoke of subjects close to our hearts; women, careers, friends, women, writing, men&women, kitchens, and of course women. Some intersting points of view were ventilated. I wonder now, what do you think; why are there so few couples in sweden living together (compared to other european countries)?

And today I spend doing a wash and talking to T, my flatmate. I am reminded of a great thinker, a friend of mine, and his wise words. "Well, it's not that I mind living together with women, but they do have around 30'000 words to spend every day". Truer words were rarely spake.

Now time to empty out the drier. And refill it.
Ta

Tu sais le truc la, avec le machin la...

Back after a new years week in provence, cotes de Luberon, the hamlet of Les Barbiers. Well, as usual when I've been off for a while I am way too tired to write a lot about it.
I can say a few things. A lot of Kro(nenbourg) beer, a lot of cheese, wine and a LOT of french. Mostly things were good. NEw years eve was quite awsome with some 25 people, good food, and my personal favourite moment singing radiohead songs with JC and Tjotjänn on the floor of the massive 90m2 livingroom.
Most other days my favourite room was not surprisingly the kitchen.

hmm..

some new musical inspiration:
emilie simon
coco rosie
camille

now I'm gonna try to sleep off the ensuing cold that I can feel coming..

Off my chest

In the words of a great musical poet, Adam Duritz

It's 4:30 am on a Tuesday
It doesn't get much worse than this

But, here, it's only 2:54 and I guess things could be worse.

I 've just walked home from Her house for the last time. Which also, doesn't really mean anything, since we've said goodbye so many times now, I don't keep count. But this time we didn't say goodbye. We said goodbye last tuesday night, and this was just my personal deal with the devil, to give me one last dream before I let go. Things have just gotten so tangled up that there are now ends to grip, no room to pull. She's the kind of Girl you never forget, never leave behind. I love her and she'll be in my life for a long time, but I need to move on, or I'll get really stuck.

You're trying hard to figure out
Just exactly how you feel
Before you end up parked and sobbing
Forehead on the steering wheel

I am very sick of things always being this difficult. I meet these amazing girls, but then there's always something that makes it not work... Well, I'm not gonna lay down and die. Not stay home and sulk. What I am looking for is to feel good. And I guess there's plenty of opportunity for me to move on. Time to see how those smoking bridges hold..

And that being said, I'll leave you with a EBTG song...

I don't wanna feel this way...
I don't wanna feel this way...

I don't wanna feel this way,
Won't somebody take away this feeling.

I'm looking at an open sky,
It's like my roof has got no ceiling.

It's wrong to feel this way,
I know it's wrong, I know it's bad
To only see what isn't there,
To want and want and never have.
But you know there's more to me now, don't you?
You'll always cover for me, won't you?
Won't you?

And this used to look half-full,
Now some days it looks half-empty.
And some days it feels like nothing,
It always used to feel like plenty..

No solids on sundays

Hrmpf.. yepp another hung over sunday. Nothing extreme, and not even in balance with the amount of fun I had yesterday. In other words, I had a great time and was only moderately destroyed today.
Was at a collegues christmas party. At first there was the usual tension of being around all new people, but after a while I started to get warm in my clothes, and as soon as I made the genius decision to seize a seat on the couch everything went swimmingly. Talked to a bunch of strangers and felt generally very good. the girl who was sitting next to me on the couch was in fashion and advertising and a good laugh. I like people with a profound sense for irony and an understanding for the game that makes convesation an exploration. Make sense?

And then, by the time I started to make my way home, the snow had piled itself to a 10cm high, cold obstacle not intended for my sweet blue adidas. It was beautiful, sounds muffled, and only people passing real close could've heard me mumbling nonsensical spanish, practising a mexican accent. I was well plastered. But that being said, I was far from the one who had looked deepest into the bottle that night. Some were throwing up in the bedroom. Some were having trouble focusing, keeping eye contact. It's sad, now that I see it in words, but there was a very good vibe accompanied with the amount of alcohol consumed. People were happy, talkative. Friendly. Huggy.

And so, today I've played computer games, watched movies, south park and had coffee, tea, toast, vörtlimpa and the usual stuff. Very little contact with the World. A feelgood kind of day.

But there was also a hole in this day. A sunday tradition that never got honoured. Had I not been so tired, perhaps I'd have had a look into those very favourite eyes, but instead there was only a voice on the phone.

ok, I'll leave you with that for now. chow.

Quizx

I took a quick test.. results seem more or less accurate but then again the questions were rather transparent...
Now, to work.. on a sattyday.. but "work hard, play hard, that's my motto"

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	High
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Medium

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Yokata

So, where was I?

You think you're just gonna turn a leaf and things will change, and stay changed. But f*ck, nothing ever really changes. Except the weather. Which can make or break your day.

So I guess, there's no need to bother. Don't knock yourself bloody trying to solve problems, cuz there'll always be problems.

Actually, forget it. I have no new insights. I am just really confused at the moment. A night ago I felt like dying. Like I was dying, or maybe wanted to be dying. I haven't felt so out of breath for as long as I can remeber. And still it was one of the best nights can recall. It was a long dark corridor of reality, and I could never have gotten through it alone. Without someone else, what's the point of any experience. If a tree falls in the woods, and only one person is there to hear it, what's the point of it making a sound? It will still be lost in time, like tears in rain.

-
http://www.mycathatesyou.com/cats/2005/12/13

--

And she whispers that everything not only will be, but is, ok

i didn't really notice
when everything else disappeared
but as far as i'm concerned
if it isn't her
it isn't here