I need medication

Oh, yes. I am still alive.

But it's summer now, I've been moving around and also my router at home broke down so I am reduced to sneaky workstation surfing.

I have been thinking about writing for a while. I feel some sort of obligation to provide my handful of reading friends with info. But at the same time, I just had some sort of realisation of the annoying sides of blogging. Feeling the pressure to write. Meeting so many experiences with the attitude "I have to remember how to word this" or "cant I blog about this? Is it too boring an experience? Too personal?", etc. Some blogs I look over seem too ambitious, and some are to much of a showcase of personal exploits. I dunno.

But at the end of the day, I like to write and have a need to practice and vent. What the end result may be, we'll see.
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Summer is rushing past. It's warm and beautiful and I feel (as usual) that I am not managing to enjoy it as much as possible. I am not optimised.
My two weeks of vacation ended three days ago. During that fortnight I travelled 3600km, saw lots of bands, elks, friends, an completely failed to relax. I would've liked the opportunity to get bored, understimulated, etc.

I went to the musicfestival in Arvika, where I saw The Knife, Tiger Lou, Kaizers Orchestra, Midaircondo, Sophie Rimheden, Teddybears Sthlm, Firefox AK, Suburban Kids..., Thåström, Franz Ferdinand, a bunch of Synth that I didnt really get and probably a few guys I forgot to mention.
Tiger Lou and the Knife ruled. Midaircondo was epic. Kaizers were great. The rest - eeh.

Back in _Norrland I went for a biketrip with some friends. We did an all day tour of the High Coast Albion of Nordingrå. Great company, great food, and a phenomenal feeling of endorfin-fuelled happiness. Shame it didn't last longer.

Now that I am back I am overcome with a dull stress and a restless loneliness. I have that old familiar feeling of being pushed ahead through time, as though tied to the front of a runaway train. It is a complete loss of control over my own destiny, and usually results in desperate measures such as sleeping in even though I don't enjoy it, drinking, loss of apetite; basically no energy.

Yesterday I went around town and to a movie with AZ. We saw "Le temps qui reste" which was beautiful and sad and didn't have a message. That is a good thing about a movie, in case you wondered. No messages. No morals. No Hollywood.


I'll be back in a while with more about nothing. Now I will go home. And then to the Girl to watch a movie.

I hope you are ok.