Standard Issues

Not thinking about her can last up to 5 minutes. Thinking about her can last a lot longer. A wiser fella than myself once told me, "If you feel in control you're not going fast enough". Yet, speed has absolutely nothing to do with the way I am feeling. Never could I imagine walking so slowly into the jaws of the Wolf. And I am, by lengths, out of control, out of my depths.

"Demandez-vous belle Jeunesse
Le temps de l'ombre d'un souvenir
Le temps de souffle d'un soupire"

But, I am still going. Shoot me, will you, if yours is a desire to keep me from suffering. But if, if you love me, and want my souls freedom to travel rather than keep it under some Patriot Act restrictions, just walk by me and lay pillow out where I may land,
when
I
fall
.

A veces soy yo que tiene el poder
A veces soy yo que tiene que seguir, que adaptar, que soñar de lo que no tengo
A veces el viento porta tu cometa hasta el techo de los cielos
A veces, te lo roba, y te lo porta hasta los fuegos matadores del sol

Pero... una vida sin volar, sin elevarse?
No es posible
No es pensible
Sea horrible

---

There's a tough word on your crossword
There's a bed bug nipping a finger
There's a swallow, there's a calm
Here's a hand to lay on your open palm
today

a lot of great music. just to mention what I am listening to these days; still violently into and impressed by In your Honor by Foo Fighters - a truly great rock album. The decemberists are amazingly queer (not gay(not happy and glad)) and with good songs, listening to album picaresque. Then there's always - seems like a 2005 thing - some Tom Waits coming back to haunt me. Right now mostly Closing Time, and Heart of Saturday Night. Lately there's also been the Streets (revisited), Bloc Party, Company Flow and probably some old bullsh*t.
---
Far be it from me to complain about a lack of friends. I feel i have so many that (mutual?) neglect is almost necessary from time to time, and never really an issue of blame. But right now I am feeling that there is just an empty window for me to lean against, a chilly glass pane with little or no sympathy for my quandaries. So many friends, but at that exact moment when i turn my head, all are far away, beyond crying distance, or wrapped in their own personal ball of yarn. there is, for me, an a great advantage with having your friends close enough to be involved in your life, without questions or confessionals, just that day-to-day contact that makes understanding implicit, second nature, and topic is always second to tone.
In short: I wish you were here/I wish you weren't so busy, cuz I could use some breathing closer to me.

But, oh, what providence
What divine intelligence
That you should survive
As well as me
It gives my eye great joy
To see your eyes fill with fear
To lean in close
And I will whisper
The last words you'll hear