A rat's nest
I had some sort of emotional breakdown this weekend, feeling like I was running on fumes. All the cognitive defences seemed to have crumbled and left me quite unprotected from all the (old) demons of self-doubt and melancholy. It was a terrifying and sobering experience which reminded me of how things used to be. Before, years ago now, this wouldn't have such an unusual experience, but now what I took away from it was just the realisation of all the water that's passed since I was in this place. Apparently I am more stable now than I was then. But just as apparently, no matter how many miles of asphalt you cross, it's hard to escape yourself.
So what does one do? Well, nothing really. Least not in my case. It is just a matter of letting it wash over you and then get back on your feet as the wave rolls back into that vast indifferent ocean. I'm sure various medicaments could counteract the feeling, but I fear those much more than I fear the depression. What you should not do though, is grab hold of anything you encounter inside that darkness and carry it with you as day breaks. Nightmares should be allowed to fade.
Music to create to
I'm trying to determine what music to listen to while working. Or rather which music to listen to which doesn't make me loose my breath and want to curl up in a ball underneath my desk, or want to stand up and shake it for that matter. I need something that is good but not too good, enjoyable but not captivating. I thinks the old geezers might do it for me, like Johnny Cash or Bob Dylan.
If I listen to the really great stuff I just sit there, staring at the computer screen and imagining that I work. Later I wake from my reverie and realize that Im not reading the article, just letting the words shower me, gathering like shredded paper on at my feat. Not much use there I tell ya. I can also recommend to dive into the african continent for some contemporary tunes.
If I listen to the really great stuff I just sit there, staring at the computer screen and imagining that I work. Later I wake from my reverie and realize that Im not reading the article, just letting the words shower me, gathering like shredded paper on at my feat. Not much use there I tell ya. I can also recommend to dive into the african continent for some contemporary tunes.
queen street
The HDR stuff is getting away from me a bit. It's tricky. Maybe since I never bother to read any instructions and just twist and turn on the dials trying to get what I want. Uppsala by night anyway.
My blackhearted love
The concert is sold out so i have to settle for the album. (spot it). Otherwise today I am mostly listening to dark and weird stuff and trying to read articles about lasers.
Little plastic news
Apparently, someone actually used to read me. So now I will struggle to come out of retirement. I don't fully remember what I used to write about and I think I sort of stopped since I felt I had nothing to say really. I still have that feeling a little bit, but maybe it's just me being lazy or out of practice. We'll see what happens with this..
What I can tell you though is that me and No.1 have started a photo-diary-blog-thingy, and that so far you can find it here:
Grötmyndigheten.
In the mean time I leave you with two attempts at HDR photos and one concert shot. Take care now. Ciao.
Oh, and I still am trying to get the layout the way I want it so it might change around some..
Busy beavers
Not to much news to bring. The "April Issue" of my fotodiary can be found here.
other than that, I'm learning 6sigma and loving the fact that we have a balcony...
other than that, I'm learning 6sigma and loving the fact that we have a balcony...
Res
I feel so nice just when you're here
The reason why is not so clear
I knew the first time when you told me
I'd fall in love just as you'd hold me
And now I want to stay at your side tonight
I want to watch you as the sun lights up your eyes
I want to know when you wake first thing you see is me
You're all the things I prayed that I'd meet
Så naivt och enkelt men så vackert framfört så jag mjuknar
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Now playing: Res - Tsunami
via FoxyTunes
FOLLOW ME
If that's what you've done, welcome back, and sorry for URL-jumping these last few weeks. The grass, it turns out, is not greener. I've come to the conclusion that the blog-engines are not the best format, for me, to publish photographs so instead I put up a section on my website dedicated to that. You can find it here (www.peroskar.se/2008). Check it out. Check back in and see it unfold.
Maybe this means I'll rediscover blogging for it's most useful purpose, mindless egocentrical ramblings. Time will tell.
Have a nice evening.
Maybe this means I'll rediscover blogging for it's most useful purpose, mindless egocentrical ramblings. Time will tell.
Have a nice evening.
Dissapointment
in blogg.se for not working properly.. and for the ads on the blog.. i guess I'm back? We will see..
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Here's from saturday.
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Here's from saturday.
New blog engine
GET INFORMED: I am probably leaving Blogger for blogg.se, mainly because of the image size restriction.
Check out the evolution here...
Check out the evolution here...
have you ever been bent or pulled----------------
have you ever been played like strings
if i could see you i could strum you
i could break you
make you sing
Now playing: Ani Difranco - Anyday
via FoxyTunes
and you can talk of great philosophy-Ani Difranco
but if you can't be kind to people
every day
it doesn't mean that much to me
it's the little things you do
the little things you say
it's the love you give along the way
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Now playing: Ani Difranco - looking for the holes
via FoxyTunes
"She laughed musically. It was like the soundtrack to fallen leaves.
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Focus is passé. In the modern world we want to feel everything all the time. There is no point in just taking a walk in the park when we can also listen to headphones, munch on a hot dog, crank up our vibrating soles to the maximum, and check out the passing carnival of humanity. Our choices shout the creed of a new world order: stimulation! Thought and ceativity have become subservient to the singular goal of saturating our sense. But I'm old school. If you are not prepared to focus on me when you are with me - conversation, touch, our momentary entwining of souls - then get out of my face and go back to your 500 channels of surround-sound life."
-Neil Strauss, The Game
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